Okay, well you need to know more before you just dive in, b/c you will mess it up. You get the idea of giving her a boundary.......and screwed it up b/c you would not wait until you learned more about it.
When you state a boundary to a wayward wife, you look her eyeball to eyeball when you say it. Not through email, text, or phone calls. You may not see it as being a weak approach, but it does not have the effectiveness like the face to face. Tone of voice (low pitch, steady and firm, but not threatening) and facial expression (strong and dead serious, no fear shown) and standing up while you say it (shows strong body language). It all works together when telling your W.
When you state your boundary, you don't turn around and ask her if she's going to keep doing what she's been doing. You don't ask her anything! You don't discuss anything else. You tell her what your boundary is, and turn and leave her with it. It is up to her to either respect it or pay it no attention. In most cases, the WW will test it. So you better be ready to back it up. What will be your action as a response to your boundary being crossed? What will you do if she makes no effort to end the A?
Talk is the cheapest thing she can get. You carry no weight in your attempts to "talk" and try to convince her of anything. Believe me, when I tell you it does not work on a WW.
The only thing she will pay heed to is your action.....or lack of action. Understand? You do not "warn" her or even "tell" what you plan to do. As you have seen, it only promotes further talk about the R.
I honestly feel you are "trying out" some tactics to get a desired reaction from her. I think you are hoping it will snap her out of this. It won't. Be carefu what you say. Say what you mean.....and mean what you say.
There are no tricks in DBing, just hard work.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
