Wife Walked Away 10 Weeks Ago

[mahhhty]

Bob - She definitely did open up. You should feel good that she did. You've been given a lot of good information, I think you still have a ways to go. Change is difficult, but it will lead to a happier life.

My text:
I met up with a friend today and was brutally honest about the way I had been acting the last few years. By discussing it I realized you'll never be able to trust me again. I understand.

Why did you say "By discussing it I realized you'll never be able to trust me again." You are foreshadowing your life with her... Giving her insight into your beliefs about the future. I thought you were invested in changing yourself to change your life and improve your marriage/relationship. You are playing to her hand.

However, give your text kudos. She did respond.

Her text...

I just wanted to say after that last text, I think you are right. I hate you for that, we could have a good marriage, but you never trusted me from the get-go and you wouldn't give me any personal space.

She did use the present tense "we could have a good marriage" perhaps a typo. But I would hold onto hope without expectation. You should use for motivation.

I felt like a little bird you held in your hand, and the more I tried to stretch my wings, the more tightly you squeezed on me. I would exhaust myself fighting up against you and I would give up on everything.

You stated "The only thing I can think of is that she would over-spend big-time when she went shopping for herself and we had agreed to a budget." Bob... Seriously. You have already admitted to be controlling, pessimistic, argumentative, etc. It is time to step up, be the best person you can, which will enable you to be the happiest father, grandfather, and lover. I want you to write down all the characteristics the enable you to be the person your wife did not like, then formulate how to better yourself in each area. Do you think you can do that?

1. It just felt so good to have my independence back, which I was used to having before getting married to you. 2. I needed to get as much done as I could because I never knew when the next opportunity would present itself. Then with the MS getting worse, it was that much more difficult to break free from the pressure you put on me. I was getting weaker and finding myself just giving in to what you wanted because I couldn't sum up the energy to stick up for myself.

I see my father be a controlling husband and I saw it even more when he tried to take care of my mom through two cancer battles. The constant questions and pestering... how are you? are you warm enough? cold enough? hungry? thirsty? whats wrong? what happened? These are all forms of pressure. I'm not sure if this is something you did, but it is definitely something you could not do.

That just pissed me off, then you'd have the gall to wake me out of a perfectly good sleep to yell at me over nothing ? I asked you politely to stop, which you seemed to understand, only to do it more and more often!

Bob did that really happen? Would you like someone to do that to you? Do you see how that could be disrespectful? What other acts of disrespect did you do? I think you should come up with another list of items on how you disrespected her, pressured her or tried to control her.

Did you respond to her text? I hope you didn't, but if you did please tell us.