Yes, I ought to have let you know on Sunday what time I'd be back. In my mind it was enough that I'd said that I would be back in the afternoon. But, yes agreed, I did need to let you know I hadn't ended up in a ditch. So it won't happen in future.
Meantime, what is most troubling is the way you chose to address it. Once again you involved the children, in spite of me pointing out that to do so will breed insecurity in them. Rather than just text me yourself, S15 had to be involved in your dissatisfaction. Not content with passive-aggressive swiping at me via BFF (1), now you are involving your children as well (2).
The children: It is S15 & S12 who are of particular concern to me here. The other people you carp about it to heard it all the first time around over (previous girlfriend), and can draw their own conclusions. S15 and S12 are our children. It will affect them and upset them. In spite of your personal dissatisfaction at what I am doing here, I have always taken the utmost care to look out for their feelings along the way. I have made sure to relay to them that they have nothing to fear, that their lives won't change radically, that they won't lose either of us, that we are managing it as grown ups. And I have never denigrated you to them, nor would I.
No second chance: Yes, you are angry, we've all got that. You are angry that you haven't been given a second chance. I need to remind you that you were given a 20-year long chance when you were with me. It was a good relationship, but like all relationships it will have lacked on both sides. What was lacking for me I repeatedly pointed out to you. Not only were you incapable of addressing that with me, you steadfastly refused to do so. And just by way of a single isolated example here - for 20 years I assumed the reason I was never told I was beautiful was because I wasn't. (3)
But you've changed: You claim I need to realise you've changed. If you've learnt about yourself lately, I'm pleased, but unfortunately for you in this case it's too little too late. In spite of this change, you seem to be behaving in the exact same way you did over (previous girlfriend) - your main aim being to ensure everybody around you realises how terrible it is for you.
So rather than point the finger at me continually, maybe take a look at yourself and what you are doing. And remember that in the end your passive aggression will hurt only you.
S15's operation: S15 is having major surgery two weeks today. At this time more than any he needs to feel emotionally secure. As does S12. S15 is being expected to face his setback bravely and with dignity. You are one of his role models.
WAW
Suggested Response (you can change to fit your own style)
W,
Thank you for your email. I wanted to take some time to read it and process what you said.
I appreciate you raising some concerns regarding our children. I do hear what you are saying here. Thank you for bringing them my attention and I will be more mindful of those issues. As you would agree, we both dearly love our children and want the best for them. We may fall short at times but we keep on trying our best.
You need to know that I found it quite painful to hear that you felt not beautiful at all. I cannot imagine how you must have felt and it must be awful feeling for you. You are a very beautiful woman and a wonderful mother. I admire your mothering skills and how you strive to be the best for our children.
I agree that it is important that we all come together to support our son through his surgery and his recovery. Let's discuss the logistics and see if we can come up with a workable plan schedule-wise. How would you like to handle this? I am sure you have some ideas and I am interested in hearing them.
