Hopeless in NYC

[eclipse]

Hey,
My nyc buddy, I am from Brooklyn , lived there my first 35 years. I had a few of those hour long conversations myself, and I think they did me no good, the last one being when my wife brought up the seperation agreement 7 weeks ago. She said she was anxious about it not getting done and was going to work on a draft and send it to me, and while I did get emotional, I didn't try to talk her out of it. She hasn't brought it up since, I won't bring it up. The hour long conversations prior to that one, I begged, reasoned, etc., all the things not to do.
These last 7 weeks I have pulled back more and more, all the while loving her and treating her with respect, and things have improved.

Anyway, what is the longest you have not been in contact with her, maybe you need to pull back.

I can feel your pain from reading your posts, my seperation is tearing me apart, but I think as everyone is telling us, keep working on ourselves, and it will get better.

I tried to pull back, but that doesn't really help. Reason is that I've "pulled back" in the past and that's one of the contributing factors to the decline of the relationship. Also, even though I've given the W all the space she wanted, it hasn't stopped the clock from ticking in her mind and she's growing impatient. Avoid the issue doesn't work...another vice from the past. So I can't confront, but I can't stall either. Checkmate.

Dude, you have some serious soul searching to do...

Care to elaborate? Anything would help at this point.

One thing I would suggest too is an anger management course. There are a few things you have said that make me think she may be fearful of her safety, the broken tea kettle, her flinching when you reached for her, the way she talks to you on the phone (strongly) then in person (passively). I think she is scared of you.

Funny you mention that. First off, when she asked for a lift on 2/22 (http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2541253#Post2541253), she expressed hesitation because I'm probably angry and that I'll drive like a maniac as I usually do when in that state (in my studies, I've learned how in some cases, this is a form of emotional abuse, apparently). Then today, when I stopped by in the morning to drive D to school, I happened to stop the car right in front a giant slush puddle. When I stepped out to help D into the car, both my feet slid ankle deep into the slush. As I stood there in utter disbelief, my W looked at me and said something along the lines of "quick, use those anger management techniques!" (obviously referring to my IC). I just laughed it off, but you're right--in the past, I would blow up when something like that would happen, and it always freaked her out. It feels good to have it under control.