2009 met at work, two young professionals (25 and 20). I still remember the first moment I saw her. Stunningly beautiful. Flirted, eventually dated and were very very quickly living together within the first year.
2010 still moving lightning fast, she's driving. First daughter is born. She was pregnant within the first six months of us dating. She's had the upper hand in this sense throughout our relationship. It's usually gone at her pace and her pace has been warp speed. She is my first adult relationship, even throughout college I never had a serious relationship. If I'm honest I do think I'm a pushover (one of the things she said led to A in the immediate aftermath of BD). Rambling here but I think there' are some common threads.
2011 we are married. Again I was ready to wait, she didn't want to wait at all, I acquiesced. Make no mistake, I love my wife and want to spend my life with her. My reason for wanting to wait was largely financial. But I just want to tell the truth about our M and this is it - for better or worse.
2012 several jobs later we both find ourselves back where it started in the same office building (same floor) together . We car pool, eat lunch together everyday, marriage is going well. Both of us and baby are happy. HOWEVER, soon I start to get a little comfortable, get a little lazy in the M, gain some weight, stop charming and wooing my wife. We stopped dating as much, i start trying to get out more and hang with the guys. She's nagging some, arguing picks up.
2013 - buy a house, wife is pregnant with youngest daughter. I could've waited a little, but W wanted a playmate for oldest daughter, and by extension, kids NEED a house. Again moving fast and she's in a hurry. Still house is great, kids are perfect angels, but dating ends pretty much all together and I'm as lazy as ever (besides in my parenting). We've become roommates with kids.
2014 - fighting a lot. Lots of stress. Wife starts dropping me hints (I see now) but I was too dense and prideful to acknowledge. I get a new job in April that requires more hours and sacrifice then any other job I've held. I'm working long hours and complaining a lot about work when I am finally at home, expecting my wife to empathize and baby me. She starts to pull away, still no dating, intimacy really sporadic except ML when I force the issue. Unbeknownst to me, W meets someone online in June. Two months later W lies to me about visiting an aunt in Florida over the weekend but really spends the weekend with OM in Colorado. She even sent me a fake photo of a Florida beach while away. That one hurts. She gets back and says she wants a divorce. I start begging, pleading etc (not ever even considering an A). The next few months she is really really into her smart phone and secretive. Meanwhile I try to win her love with gifts and affection. It's not working. Couple months after that she starts IC.
2015 - EA/PA is revealed on 2/6. She doesn't give me any details on OM. I hack her email and find out about the Florida/Colorado deception. But there's more... After the Colorado trip she posted a Craigslist ad looking for a local male workout partner. Many men respond and there are at least 6-10 overtly flirty email chains with different men in the area. Shes sending pictures of herself (non sexual, but flirty if that makes sense ), requesting pictures from these men and telling a few they are hot and other such advances. One in particular leads to more than email flirtation and they apparently met for lunch and made out afterward. He gets pretty attached and sends a long emotional email and she eventually cuts it off saying there is no fun without the chase. I also find something far more chilling...
I'll go back on the timeline a little. Around the same time EA/PA with Colorado guy started wife got what I thought was a hair brained idea to sell a pair of her panties on Craigslist. She said she read about it on a blog and she just had to write a steamy ad and send her underwear to a buyer for $50. Easy money. I was immediately strongly against this. I told her I was really scared about the potential risk to her safety and the safety of our kids. Not to mention this struck me as highly disrespectful to the marriage. She said she already had a buyer and promised she would never do it again. I let it go. Well.... the email hack revealed not only had her buyer gotten the panties, he also received sexual photos of my wife, a picture of her face (!), and a short video of her masturbating and saying his name (!!!). The guy sent pictures of himself as well - fat bald and ugly. Damn was this a weird find.
And the big email discovery was about a month ago which brings us to the timeline I laid out at the beginning of my thread. Colorado OM is the OM still in the picture. She has told my outright she will not stop talking to him. She is resolute in her conviction about this.
Couple other things I think might add some context. Both of W's parents are on anti-depressants. MIL in particular strikes me as manic. My W has also been prescribed an anti depressant but she never commits to taking it regularly. Also W is gorgeous but has body image issues. She wants plastic surgery, hates certain physical features about herself, etc.
So that's our sordid story. I really want to be open an honest about everything so this board can offer real advice.
Thanks everyone
Me: 30 W: 25 D4, D1 Undiscovered EA/PA since 6/2014 BD: 2/6/15 Living together - in limbo
