Hi Wet. I have been reading your recent posts. I don't know all the history, so forgive my ignorance.
I understand the confusion. It can become quite challenging.. trying to db and find ourselves, understand MLC, standing.... all the above become very hazy at times. For me, I have made some major mistakes. Big time. Things I have to forgive myself for.. on top of everything else. Things can become quite overwhelming, and it seems that advice and things we read are conflicting.
Anyway, I understand where you are coming from. Yet, having made mistakes, finding my way currently, and learning some serious lessons, I understand what those above are saying.
To me, I'd be confuse, but that's because I'm a SLOW learner! But, honestly.. the biggest mistake I made was not TOTALLY letting go. I had dropped the rope, so to say. I didn't think my h was coming back. But I was acutely aware of his sitch and his mistakes, too. That left a small opening of wondering how much he'd regret.
Anyway... I was moving on. But, as much as I thought I had dropped everything... I hadn't. Because I couldn't make sense of what had happened. I needed some sort of clarification, explanation, closure, or something.
Now, what I realize, is that I needed to totally kill what was left for there to be anything left. That may not make sense.. but I felt like when he came back.. he needed to explain everything.. like if it had just happened. And yet I had changed, and expected him to understand that. He had also changed, but expected to jump right in where we had left off.
Total cluster f, huh? Well... it was. And it is no more. What would have been best? If I had been able to put it to rest. Maybe in the future addressed it. But with the absolute understanding that what was... was not.
He had checked out. As much as we were still attached.. he HAD reached a point, at some point, of being detached from me. I hadn't done that- totally.
Just be careful. Where there is attachment... of the "old" r, there is expectations of some sort... of the same dynamic and explanation.
Maybe this makes no sense. That's probably bc it's very difficult and complex. Yet, as simple as saying... let it go. Seems easy enough, and when we think we have... there is a chance we haven't. Letting it go means the dynamic has totally changed. Expectations have changed. Communication has changed.
Keep your head up, Wet. You will get there. It's just a long, hard road. But, I anticipate, one worthy of traveling. With not much choice!
