Thank you Mach and Kat for wanting me to be a healthier Wet and to move forward with my life. Not just standing still. And not to bury my head in the sand to my sitch. I appreciate the advice.
First, I want to clear up the confusion about the non-status of our divorce. About a year ago, my W let me know she was dating other men. I gave her a stipulated divorce agreement, and told her she would not date other men and be married to me (this was pre-DB). But she never signed the Stipulation, and so there is no pending divorce court file. When I say that I could start the divorce, I only mean that I can serve on her the Divorce Summons and Complaint, which will start our divorce action, which I have not yet done.
With the help DB and others on this Board, I am moving forward. Here is what I’m doing to move forward with my life:
- 1st my children - My s13 is the most important person in my world right now. W is not being a good parent to him (no judgment, just a personal observation confirmed by his sisters). And so, I will try and have primary custody of him starting this summer, and hopefully during the next school year starting in the fall.
- My d18 is away at school, and d17 will leave for school in the fall. Staying in contact with them, and helping them when I can is what I can do now for them;
- D20 who lives with me has 2 jobs and is going to school. Keeping a roof over her head for as long as she wants is also a priority for me.
- 2nd is my health – I have lost 75 pounds. I have had 2 surgeries over the past 3 months (1 serious, 1 minor). I continue to make sure I stay in good health.
- My spiritual and emotional health is also a priority for me. I have a healthy prayer life and I love studying the Bible. I attend a weekly men’s breakfast Bible Study. I also attend a weekly Divorce Care group at my church. And the help from DB and this Board is also a big part of the help that I receive. Finding a place to volunteer isa goal for me in the future.
Perhaps you are correct that I see my life as being defined by what has happened. But I feel that I am handling this well around my children. My oldest 2 kids have said several times “how proud they are of me.” Awwww. I feel good about the example I am setting for my children and to others in my life, in moving on with my life and not being consumed about my W or my separation.
You are correct in also saying that I am recently talking more about my W in my posts here. The illness and death of my MiL has led me to having more contact with my W. I am providing support to my W thru this as it is hitting her hard. But again I think this is a normal and healthy response.
Now my battle is going thru the visitation tomorrow night and funeral of my MiL on Saturday. Thanks for your suggestions and advice.
I feel good about the example I am setting for my children and to others in my life, in moving on with my life and not being consumed about my W or my separation.