Corri,
Holy crap Batman...I think you nailed it. Some aspects about the situation might not be correct but I think there's something there.
It's very confusing because on one hand, she says "I want you to tell me when I do something bad" but on the other, she says "I'm feel like I'm walking on eggshells now and that I'm about to make a mistake that sets you off". I simply said that my insanity probably has more to do with the fact that I haven't allowed myself to "love" or be vulnerable in 10 years and that I know that lack of eye contact and proximity shouldn't make me think that everything she has been doing doesn't count. Afterall, she did do some things yesterday to contribute to the R which I didn't acknowledge before going into my tirade about the eye contact and proximity. I could barley remember that she did them. I know there's a couple issues with how I handle my feelings but it was wierd...they went from a happy 7 to -10 in about 1 hour.
By the end of our discussion, she said that one factor is that it's her "week" and that she felt nasty and stinky after all the painting. So I give her that one. She facetiously told me to keep a scorecard so that I can judge whether a day was "good" or "bad".
I have a question about not letting her off the hook....
Should I wait a few days, then disclose the issue even if I come to see it as silly? Or should I simply say that I was "just feeling bothered for illogical reasons". I told her last night, before unleashing, that I probably should stay quiet because it was probably irrational. Afterwards, she agreed that I shouldn't have. By the time we were done though, the way i saw the world had changed and I clearly did see how irrational I was. But when were calm, we had some nice talks.
I DID ask her if she feels like she doesn't get an opportunity to talk about her self to others because typically shes doing all the listening. She said that her college friend is her sounding board and provides "straight" feedback. She told me that she asked her friend this question..."isn't it typical for wives to only have a sex a few times a year"...her friend told her she was totally nuts. But Corri, I really think you are on to something that she might not be facing up to. If there is, then she's a masterful liar because besides telling me how much she loves me, she tells her friends too..(I just found out). She said she wants to work towards the "vision" of a perfect marriage with me. If it's not me, but something else, then I wish she would recognize that this "deep" issue is about to blow our marriage apart. Is she simply hanging on for dear life right now?
