hold on! - 8

[u-turn]

Thanks Toots - I guess I didn't consider myself in piecing yet, I will definitely research this and will treasure any advice.

She still knows me better that anyone and cannot hide my feelings and insecurities all of the time - she can see it.

I don't feel as good as I did when I was very dim with her. I felt in control of myself and now I feel like I am being controlled by her emotions, my feelings, and getting through the upcoming legal and financial battle that she/we have stepped into.

But I have the same goals as always. I think I do need to open up our conversation about what I need: honesty and faithfulness, and I need reassurance that those are her goals too and that this is happening.

The minute I mention that this is what I need she likely will react that she has done something that makes me feel mistrusting.

Sometimes I still get feelings that she has just upped her game of deceit and lying - but maybe those are overactive senses.

----

My spidey senses may be overactive and I should calm them down, but I will say what I've noticed here:

Friday - she had no issues about not showing up after work and not letting me or the kids know she was going to be 4 hours late. This is a problem to me. I don't text or call her to ask where she is because..... it wasn't advised during DB and it has worked to not escalate arguments about distrust. But this hasn't happened for a quite a while and there was no reason for her to ignore us. She said she wan't being deceptive, just didn't call and lost track of time.

Yesterday she told me she went to lunch with the man that helped her on the night she was attacked. (she did tell me this without me asking and I wouldn't have known either way - so she is offering some transparency without asking) She talks very favorably about this guy and I worry that she's getting chummy with another man (she started this way with OM when she started her job). (might be me having an overactive imagination)

She has not verbally reassured me about OM being out of the picture for a couple weeks, but maybe she won't do that without asking. But maybe that is expecting too much.