Masterpiece still in progress...

[Jer2911]

Thanks for the additional info Job! That link to the recent thread on depression and MLC is so helpful. I've kept that link up in an open browser tab since the thread was originally posted -- I keep going back and re-reading it.

Good points about the childhood issues. She and her mother have such a strained relationship -- always have since I've known my W. But I also know my W loves her mother very much and deep inside wishes that their R was better -- I just don't think either one really knows how to make it better... They went to JC last year to work on it and are now doing some more JC sessions... From what I can tell, her mom was controlling in the sense of being really wound tight about things around the house -- things had to be done a very specific certain way and there was an emphasis on being proper... not much room for being laid-back... One of the things my W has always loved about my family is that we are so laid-back... Christmas dinner at her mom's requires being dressed up (like in a suit), seating arrangements, etc. and Christmas dinner with my family is "come as you are" (jeans perfectly acceptable) with no formal time or seating arrangement. She's always said how much she enjoys my family's gatherings because they are so laid-back and fun with an emphasis on just hanging out and being comfortable while catching up with each other. Complete opposite of family gatherings with her mom.

It will be interesting to see how the immune system/illness thing evolves. Yes -- I am aware that I need to take good care of myself -- that became very clear immediately after BD and I went to my doctor as quickly as I could and have been trying to get enough exercise and do everything else necessary to stay healthy. But as for my MLCer W -- this is the first time she's been ill since BD, but I've been wondering when I might begin to see signs of compromised immune system because I know she isn't getting enough sleep and she is very stressed about EVERYTHING (work and what is happening with us at home). So many evenings now it seems the only thing she wants to do after we get the kids to bed is turn on the TV to watch one of her many DVR'd shows, start texting OW, and tune out the world until time to get up and go to work the next day. It truly is the most bizarre -- and sad -- thing to observe.

And yes, I know that I just have to let her go on her way with all of this. I am working hard on that -- it gets easier as each day passes. I'm actually okay with the idea of me moving out and being away from her -- my biggest concern is breaking this news to the kids and then disrupting their life with moving them back and forth between two different homes each week. Not looking forward to that -- but I know it has to be done in order for W to have the space she needs and to let her live the life she thinks she wants.