W seems to be in a bit of pain with her neck. She called late yesterday towards the end of the day in reply to my TM asking if I needed to pick up S or since she was off (and is closer) if she was planning on picking him up. I TM her that and went to the bathroom, she called and I missed it. This had her upset as she is taking it that I am purposely ignoring her, I calmly stated I went to the bathroom, called her back ... she spewed some more ... I unlockd the spew hatch and told her my TM really did not require a call .. a simple yes or no would have been just fine. I quickly locked the hatch back down and weathered the storm for a bit .. just listened and STFU as she went on about many things that she felt, things that were wrong in our M, nothing new or out of the ordinary as far as spew went until she seemed to calm a bit and was crying. Then a new one... she said she missed me as a friend. Yeah .. I had to ask her to repeat it pretending I did not hear her just to make sure I heard what I thought I heard. I am not sure where this came from and it was followed with her asking me if I thought the divorce was easy for her. She said something to the point of knowing I want us and her .... I corrected her and told her I currently do not want her, not the way she is nor has been, that I accepted she wanted me out of her life and I respect her enough to honor that wish. Then she said something to the effect that she hoped we could be friends. Right or wrong I calmly told her ... friends do not treat each other the way she has treated me. I pointed out we are not friends, we lost that some time ago and given the circumstances I will do my best to be cordial and nice, and co-parent S to the best of my ability with her. Little spew from that and a statement of her saying she knows she destroyed everything, I did offer a bit of validation that we both made mistakes and I wish I could turn back the clock and talk to me 10 years ago (I would have given him a phonebook of notes, and highlighted MLC). I told her our marriage died, and we both had a hand in that. She brought up a few things and I told her I have apologized for my part, and I have moved on from that. She brought up more past events ... I stopped her and asked if I should pick up S or if she was, I was not going to rehash past events that I can never change. She calmed down and we ended the call
I did end up picking up S, took him straight to her house ... cordial drop off like nothing happened and I went back to work for a few hours .. home, movie ... talked to S (Nightly phone call) and went to bed
W TM around 1 ... about the pain, wanting to give up .. reaching out. She TM again early in the morning. Saying she could not move and couldn't get S ready for school, make his lunch .... so ... I know ... I offered to take S, I am well aware this is a fix it thing, but I seen it as S needs to have his lunch and get to school and to be honest I am not sure how bad she is or if this is just a ploy. Regardless S still needs to be taken care of. So I get to her place, she looks like death. She told me she had been to 2 different doctors and going in for xrays today. I was PMA with S, had him help me make his lunch, got him ready for school ... had him give her a hug. She asked to talk, I looked at my watch and told her we only had a few minutes. She asked me what she should do .. concerning her job, I told her .. like the MLC stuff I have read she is looking for someone to give her answers .. I told her what I would do .. left it up to her. She also touched on faith, saying she has lost all faith and has no idea what she should do ... Again .. I just told her some things S and I have learned .. he told her about how we quiet our minds and just try to listen to God .. I was amazed at S and how calm he was showing his mother how he prays... proud moment for me seeing this young man share his faith openly like that.
So .. I am at work, W has TM a few times .. reaching out, temp checking .. who knows ... I do know that I remain grounded, no expectations, she is going through her tunnel and the alone time with the pain is forcing her to actually be secluded, can not help but think God is working with all this but again, I have been through this enough to know she is far from done, far from baked ... for her sake and for S I do hope she no longer suffers and can find peace and come out of all this.
