Need Help!!!

[sandi2]

Okay, good. This information helps a lot. The Love Dare is a ......sweet little book if there is not a WAS or wayward spouse in the M. I personally do not believe it works when you have a WAW. like most men, you were doing what you thought was she wanted. Unfortunately, Love Dare is way too pursuing and when you have a walk away wife, that is the last thing you should do.

So now you are physically separated. Even though you both spend a certain amount of time together at the office, it's important that you maintain the mindset of being single instead of being married......and not trying to convince her to give you another chance. In other words, act separated from her. By your last description, it seems that you have started doing precisely that, which is good.

I want to expound a little more about acting single. Don't get the impression I am suggesting you act as if you are checking out other women in front of your W or even talking about other women to her. Don't hint around that you are thinking of dating, or whatever. That's not what I mean. If you will work on acting as if you are no longer married to her, perhaps it will help you not give off a needy vibe when you are around her. Also, unless she is trying to have a discussion with you, maybe try to avoid looking so deeply into her eyes. (Since your eyes give away your feelings to her.) This may sound a little contrary to what I usually advise, about looking the W in the eyes when she talks, so stay balanced about it. When/if she's trying to have an important discussion, you do look at her, to let her know you hear what she's saying. But you do not want to have a pitiful, love-sick, or victim expression in those eyes of yours. Make sense?

I think you may know to not linger around the office when you don't have anything to do, just to be near her. She's very perceptive of your body language. You have to act as if you are the confident, charming, new single guy, living a busy/fun/interesting life...... that she has just let go. This thought should hit her square between the eyes. "I have just made him available!" "He's a free agent, and I did it! "Someone will replace me in his life!"

You may feel she won't respond with those thoughts, but you just never know. Human nature is very funny. When we take things for granted, it loses its attraction (sometimes) and if we lose what was once so available to us and we even thought we didn't want it........we suddenly discover just how important it is. This is very true in the complexity of the man/husband - woman/wife relationship.

When you read DB or DR, it may sound somewhat counterproductive. It works! Nothing can guarantee saving your M, but if you follow it, it will save you, and you will come through this (either way) being a happier/better man. It's not like some self improvement type of book, but the results work as if it were. So, you benefit from DBing.

As a man, your nature is probably to pursue her. However, since she is a WAW, you need to do the opposite and step back. This will seem strange, and there will be other things you will naturally want to do.....like help her when she's down, rescue her, fix her, etc. It's important for her to go through this process. She has recognized how she needs to learn how to do things without you. Frankly, it's pretty rare to see this in a WAW. B/c usually, they will "use" the LBH whenever it suits them. In other words, they want to keep some of the benefits they had being M to him, but without the commitment of a MR. We call it cake eating.

When you see astonishment in her eyes? It's good. Shock, confusion, sadness? All good. Let her have these feelings and do not assure her everything is going to be fine and that you'll always be there for her no matter what. She has to feel the loss of you. Even though you still see her for a few moments at a time, she can get a view of the guy she gave up. She will see him happy and doing fine without her. And that's great b/c it is necessary for her to realize she made a mistake in leaving him. She has to come to this realization on her own, and not by you or anyone else telling her. In fact, the more you try to convince her, the more damage you do to yourself.

Often times a woman will lose respect for her H, for various reasons. In your first few posts, it sounded as if you were a SAHD who wasn't doing very much. You had a teenager in school and wasn't getting out and leading a very interesting life. At least that's how it sounded, and she tried to encourage you to get out of the house. How much that might have played in changing her level of respect toward you, IDK. I do know it can affect women in a very negative way, even though they may agree to the arrangement in the beginning.

Respect and attraction.......that are the two main areas to work on at this time. She felt the attraction once, so it's possible again. We women are attracted to very confident men. (hint)

Your new career is a great launching pad in getting your confidence going. I bet she already notices.