Susana (7) - Like a big pizza pie

[susana4]

See, I thought about whether it was a bad idea to have him over to the house full stop because I think it would be really bad if he confronted H, but then I thought "I have to GAL and not let H affect my plans/my life" etc. etc. I end up thinking myself in circles sometimes with this sitch!

I don't think there's any danger with B, the "thing" he had for me was in the past before I was with H (AFAIK) and he has a GF (although I guess I shouldn't be so naive to think that would stop him). And H has never given any indication of being jealous (of him or anyone else), it was my GFs saying they thought he was. But they could be right which is where I got myself thinking I shouldn't have him over.

Oh, the circular thinking, it's endless!

Unfortunately it has to be in the house because the project involves cooking.

Perhaps I better see if someone else can join us.

[Sotto]

That's a good idea - neutralise the danger. And you can just say to your friend - hey, I invited X along too...

[susana4]

Forgot to add - I did tell B after he said that he better control his mouth if he sees H (he doesn't know the full sitch anyway - I'm following DR advice and not telling everyone about the sitch - but he knows I want to reconcile if possible).

[susana4]

Right, but then do I tell H that I've invited X, too? I am getting myself confused here. If I try to assuage any jealousy that he may be feeling (which I have no reason to believe anyway) isn't that kind of pursuit? And I'm not trying to make him feel jealous so it's his problem if he feels that right?

[Starsky309]

I wouldn't tell him. Not my job to raise my hand and remind the teacher to collect the homework.

[susana4]

Alright, thank you! That's what I thought but my brain temporarily went into a tailspin.

See, I know how I would handle hanging out with another man when I'm in my M but now I don't know how to deal with it! None of my previous methods would work here (bringing H along, asking if he's ok with it, texting him while I am with the other guy etc). The whole thing just got my brain twisted into a pretzel.

Should be ok now - i reiterated my position and B has promised not to say anything to H.

Now I just need to get a grip on the anger and resentment I'm still stewing in.

[susana4]

Argh! Now H has announced to me that he's probably going to leave 2-3 hours later than he'd originally said (than what he told me this afternoon). So he and B and X (my GF I've now invited) are probably going to be here at the same time and I'll have to hope B sticks to his word. To make matters worse X is also quite unhappy with H because of sitch. She wouldn't say anything and I'm sure she'll be unfailingly polite but it might be quite awkward.

[Sotto]

Hi Susana - I wouldn't worry too much. You have your plans and H has his....

Just make the most of having your friends over and enjoy yourselves!

[susana4]

Thanks. I'm sure I will enjoy my friends' company. I'm actually more worried about them feeling awkward than H (right now, I'm feeling a lot of anger toward him, so I'm not concerned about his reaction).

Does anyone have any tips or resources on managing anger and resentment?

I find it comes and goes and usually only lasts for a few hours for me, but my recent bout of resentment has lasted since yesterday, and this is the angriest I've been.

I actually felt my stomach turn and felt hatred when I looked at H earlier. Not good. And I don't know why, he was actually being quite nice tonight and was helping me cook (which he hates doing) and singing me a song he made up about the food we were cooking.

[Zelda09]

S, congrats on all your positivity and STEADY moves forward.

The advice I get - sit with your feelings, be kind to them, ask yourself where they are really coming from. Then be kind to yourself. Digestion complete.