My story

[Mozza]

Thank you Mozza, I have read DR (going on 3rd time now). I just wasn't sure if the NC or 180 are still applicable in this case.

Why do you say "still"?

In any case, the no-gift rule couldn't be clearer, so the recommendation seems to be to let the kids prepare something, no more. And no, don't invite her to your outings. According to sandi2, WAW have to face the full consequences of their choices as soon as possible. And anyway, why ruin your evening and create more opportunities for awkwardness -- honestly, why were you even suggesting it?

One other question I have, even though she left me, she acts as though I am the one who hurt her and left her. She has nothing but anger and resentment towards me. Is this normal?

Yes, it's classic. Continue to read around these boards and you'll find many examples of this. I don't know exactly why that is, but it might be a way to deflect responsibility. Another potential reason is that she has plenty of reasons to resent you and that she never meant to separate, but you pushed her to it. Looking at your initial message, you seem to blow up fairly often. Are you working on this and if so, how? (other than "making an effort")

How long would you expect that it will take for your W to come back to the M? What will have to happen before then?

[EyeTie]

Thank you Mozza, I have read DR (going on 3rd time now). I just wasn't sure if the NC or 180 are still applicable in this case.

Why do you say "still"?

In any case, the no-gift rule couldn't be clearer, so the recommendation seems to be to let the kids prepare something, no more. And no, don't invite her to your outings. According to sandi2, WAW have to face the full consequences of their choices as soon as possible. And anyway, why ruin your evening and create more opportunities for awkwardness -- honestly, why were you even suggesting it?

I think I was even thinking it, because I am a very compassionate person and the last thing I want to see is someone I love hurting.

But the reality of it is that she has already hurt me with little regard to my feelings, so yes, not seeing her is the best policy. Thank you.

One other question I have, even though she left me, she acts as though I am the one who hurt her and left her. She has nothing but anger and resentment towards me. Is this normal?

Yes, it's classic. Continue to read around these boards and you'll find many examples of this. I don't know exactly why that is, but it might be a way to deflect responsibility. Another potential reason is that she has plenty of reasons to resent you and that she never meant to separate, but you pushed her to it. Looking at your initial message, you seem to blow up fairly often. Are you working on this and if so, how? (other than "making an effort")

How long would you expect that it will take for your W to come back to the M? What will have to happen before then?

I meet with a Crisis Counselor 2-3 times a week, he actually also does marriage counseling as well. So we have been discussing my relationship with my W. The biggest reason I have kind of been crabby towards her before she left is because of the cancer secret and the pain that the drugs were putting me under. I was short with her at times, mostly because I needed her so bad and she was so distant.

I am not sure if she will ever come back. And the more I GAL the less I want her back.

[EyeTie]

Earlier today she sent me an email talking about a trip we went on several years ago. The trip was great, but had a few rough patches due to planning. We couldn't remember the exact dates and her final email said.

I think it was 5 years ago, since 6 years ago S would only have been 1. And I can say, for the record, I wasn’t disappointed in that trip whatsoever! It was fun and I had a great time with you. We had a lot of wonderful special amazing times together.

Now this is a big step, because she has been saying things have been bad for the majority of our relationship, that she has been unhappy since before we got married. So her saying that this trip (which I thought was bad) was good, that is a step in the right direction, right?

Then when she came to pick up S, she wouldn't even come into the house past the front rug, asking S to get his shoes/jacket on. And was out the door with a "bye". Things would be so much easier if we weren't doing a 2-2-3 schedule with our kids, then I wouldn't have to see her so often (even on her days, she drops the kids off in the morning, since I work after she does). I just don't know what to do, no matter how bad I try to detach this type of conversations keep coming up. I just want her back, I just want to make our relationship work, I just want my life back the way it was before all of this, but better. HELP!

[MrBond]

I don't get it. You told her you were seeing someone. Are you?

[EyeTie]

She started to date. So I went out a few times too. Quickly realized that I wasn't ready to do so and stopped.

[MrBond]

Did you tell her you weren't seeing someone now?

[EyeTie]

I haven't told her that, but my cousin Mandy has. I won't talk to her about our M or R. I haven't in weeks, because it just turns into a fight. Or should I let her know that I am not dating anyone (nor have I for a good month)?

[MrBond]

I think you need to tell her. If she thinks you're going out with someone, then you sound like a hypocrite for condemning her.

[EyeTie]

I think you need to tell her. If she thinks you're going out with someone, then you sound like a hypocrite for condemning her.

So should I break the NC to let her know? Should I call/text/email it to her?

[EyeTie]

I went out on a couple of dates after she moved out, she had been dating for a few weeks prior. I realized quickly I wasn't ready to do so, so I quit doing it.

After talking to some mutual friends, they informed me that she isn't "dating" anyone right now, but is talking to a few people. She also is aware of me not dating or talking to anyone at this point. I think my biggest issue is that I work from home, our home, so I am here all day long. It's like a constant reminder of her. I put away pictures, nick-nacks, etc that would remind me of her, but it's just this place in general. I have been fighting the urge for 2-3 days to call her and see how she is (which would probably cause a fight). I keep attempting to stick to the 37 rules, the 180 and am GAL, but it's just hard to do, even harder to GAL when I have my kids here with me and it's too cold to go out and do much.