Patience is not weakness on my part. Today I choose to not divorce my W.
Wait....
Originally Posted By: Wet
So, I mention that my W is confused (she is not signing the divorce papers I gave to her, and is not making any move toward working on our marriage), and this seems like a pretty "objective" observation by me.
Yes, you DID choose to Divorce her, according to YOUR words above...
Shall I go on ???
Originally Posted By: Wet
Next, you and Kat say that by my using this time as a "gift", and working on myself and enjoying my time with the children, that this somehow means that I am giving "every bit of power" to my W. Again, I disagree. I trust in the DB system. I trust that my W's mid-life crisis with time and patience that she can work on herself, and this may be someone I would want to have a r with. And if it is for the good of my family, I can be a little more patient.
You are, and you are very against seeing it.
When your thoughts, conversations and words are focused on her, then you hold zero power over moving forward with your life. You stay stuck in that rut which determines the outcome of your marriage. You let your marriage define who YOU are, and it consumes you from the inside.
You become defined more about what happened to you,rather than how you came through it.
The other day, your emotions (hope?) flipped when you talked to an old friend, because he had spoken to your spouse, you spent an evening with your Daughters, talking about your spouses decisions, or lack thereof. There has to be a better way to spend an evening with your Daughters...
This process has consumed you, THAT is what we are saying to you.
And when you have little power, or conviction or even the want, to define your own path ? You have given your power away.
You accept mediocrity for your future, to be this or that for everyone else around you, except what YOU want.
I see you standing for your marriage, and I admire that. What you aren't getting though, is that standing, doesn't mean standing still. Standing doesn't mean simply playing a waiting game, while your spouse decides what she wants to do.
Standing is about bettering your decisions, seeing your ineffective qualities that you don't like about yourself, upgrading your toolbox of relationship tools. So that one day, IF your spouse decides to turn around and look in your direction, you have the tools in place to make that decision.
It isn't simply playing the waiting game. Commiserating about what once was.
Originally Posted By: Wet
Let's make sure we are on the same page of what being "judgmental" looks like. Here is one definition:
being intolerant, lacking compassion and objectivity.
Here is another...
of or denoting an attitude in which judgments about other people's conduct are made
and another...
Making moral assumptions about another person's behavior.
Another ???
Criticize or condemn someone from a position of assumed moral superiority.
Your move counselor...
Originally Posted By: Wet
I trust in the DB system.
I don't see it that way. You trust the system that allows you to keep your head in the sand, and do nothing regarding YOUR future.
If you fully trusted the system, then you wouldn't fight the hard questions, and argue your point when they are asked.
Nobody is telling you to divorce her, or walk away from her. They are telling you to move forward, and have some plans in place for yourself, and to stop living in your self-imposed limbo.
You are choosing this limbo, and you can choose to end it as well.
