This need not be the end.

[Barry]

What a couple of days I've had.

I rang my current mortgage provider and to cut a long story short, they won't lend me the extra money on my sole earnings. I need to either move my mortgage (incurring a £2000 redemption fee, and in doing that, take the extra money to pay off WAW and increase the term to lower the payment), I get a personal loan, or borrow from a family member (not on offer at this stage and maybe not available at all?). So at the moment, I'm not totally sure it's even possible.

Another thing is that I have a credit card and loan in my name only (the debt on each is "ours" though). As these monthly payments are affecting my affordability checks when applying for things, I want her to ideally take half the debt away. This is probably going to be a sticking point.

I saw a solicitor / lawyer today to get some advice on this offer from WAW of 10k to go on her merry way. What I wanted to know essentially is; Can we decide to do this ourselves, and have a legally binding document drawn up saying that she has no future claim on the house? If so, what would that cost?
I was told that such a letter may not stand up in court upon D. So she may be able to still take half the house's equity anyway (and there would be a cost).
We could get a separation agreement drawn up, thrashing the details out now (at a cost of course, and the costs of the actual D still apply), or we could (and this is what she advised me to do as the cheapest option) divorce her now on grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

As I sat there, I thought.."Only on Friday did I feel confident and better about the sitch and now four days later, I have legal council telling me it's (financially) best to divorce her now. I don't even want to be separated, let alone divorced and now it's even that I'm instigating it!!
I knew already that WAW is also entitled to half my pension which to her would mean around 32k. I wasn't sure if she knew that but it hasn't been mentioned. Obviously, any legal council she seeks will tell her that, and tell her she's mad for taking 10k, oh and the credit card and loan, don't worry about those, their in Barry's name.

I then called WAW this evening to talk about this offer and thrash out the details - she didn't want to talk face to face. To be honest, I'd also said to her at the start of the S that if she ever sought legal council, she would tell me so I could do the same. It's only fair that I at least tell her I've been to talk about the offer. She also needs to know I can't get her money from our current lender, about the legality of her future claim on the house, and I wanted to broach the subject of the other debts too.

I asked her again the same question as last night, "Is this really what you want?". She said yes it is. I started giving her some spew and tears and told her I'd call her back in 5 minutes. I dried my eyes, went to my room and as I sit there about to call her back, I notice my books on the bedside table and think...ok then...NMMNG WAW!!

I told her I was going to get her her money, but first there's a few issues to discuss. How we go about the house with the options above. She said she doesn't want anything but the 10k and she would sign anything to say she had no further claim. She asked me to take it on faith? I said that I couldn't do that any more. She's broken one of the biggest (actually THE biggest) promise you can make to another human being and now she expects me to trust her, I think not WAW. I asked her what she proposes to do about her half of the debts, to which she said she'd "help out" with the monthly payments. She said she can't afford to take half. I said neither can I but I have to nonetheless.

When I reminded her that I'd soon have all the household bills back too, she said that she'll also have rent, bills etc to pay. I told her that that's HER choice, she can call all this off now and have none of that. I suggested she take a credit card out to transfer half the debts to. WAW had the nerve to say to me.,,"Ah, I see, now we're getting down to the nitty gritty". I said yes WAW, we are. It's not very nice is it, don't forget that this is what you want.

We exchanged some stern words with each other, but I'm not letting her lead this dance now. She told me "You're getting a great deal". I said "don't think you're doing me any favours, you're not". She doesn't appreciate the gravity of all this, that it's a life changing event. She just wants her money now.

It wasn't a great phone call, but she said she'd look into the credit card, and I said I'd look into her money. She's basically saying that she wants to not involve solicitors, separate, and get a cheap, quick, online divorce when we can. I've looked at this too and it can be done for around £350 - £500. I don't feel protected from her though with the house. She's different now, the woman I thought would never do this to me is gone, maybe forever. She's saying she won't rip me off now but what about in 2 years time?? I'm still not sure what I'm going to do but at the moment, my priority is seeing if I can raise the 10k at all.

All I can do now is think of the good times with fond memories and not attach any pain to them. I need to move on. Whether or not I leave the door open for WAW is yet to be seen, I want to but I don't know if I can after her doing this to us. What i do know is that unfortunatly, this is what she wants and the best thing for me and the kids is to not stand in her way.

My ring is off, and it didn't hurt as much as I thought. Maybe that tells me what I need to know.

Barry.