Devotion To A Dream

[phunguy]

Well it felt really good to talk about all this, to go back through a large portion of these last 5 weeks or so. I've really only had my P's, this board and a few people to talk to. She asked me an interesting question that I need to work through.

If one of my boundaries has always been cheating, why now would I be willing to entertain the idea of forgiveness when my trust has been broken?

I suppose that because it hurts and some how I see this as a way to stop that hurt. An escape from that pain. Further, that I want to avoid all that I think this future might hold, I suppose the shame I feel for being cheated on and my marriage ending in failure. That me admitting failure is not an acceptable outcome.

I figure that to get on with healing from this I have to accept this not as a failure but as an opportunity. An opportunity to figure out what this future might actually be for me and for my children. A positive, healthy, and exciting future full of good things and maybe someday a loving relationship.