I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[MCS]

So, MC was today and I went full-ish anti-DB I think or maybe not.....I guess I see it as I was not pursuing, begging or pleading; but more confidently talking about where I see our sitch and the future.

I'll add more later, but it was the first time that we actually talked about our relationship itself and what went wrong with it. It was a lot of spew, some was deeper hurting that I saw. However, my W's lies have broken down around her story in that all of the examples that she was giving about how our marriage was not working were AFTER her affair had started. Especially as I saw that the things she said, I fixed when she said them. Her counter was "I was just playing the role that I cared that you changed them"

It was an actual argument/heated discussion which interestingly enough we never really had many in our relationship. I can see that W is in so much pain and pretty much said 'no one cares about me.' I said to her, the ones that care about you, you've shut out of your life. She then replied all of those people (mom, BFF1, BFF2) are selfish and don't care. She said that she has had to protect herself from all of these people. I asked why and she said because she can't trust them. I said who can you trust? She thought for a while and said "I can trust my Sister"

Also, I said that I still care about her a couple times and she asked why I keep saying it, she knows its a 'lie.' I then said "W, why do you think I'm still in this after I found out all that has happened during our marriage. I know I'm going to be okay out of this, no matter what the outcome is. I'm not fighting for our marriage for just me, but I'm fighting for it because I care about you."

So, it seems a corner has turned, I just don't know if its towards R or D. I see how much pain my W is in, her whole world has collapsed around her and she's still not attributing it to some of the decisions she has made, but rather projecting back that all of the people that care about her are the problem. I also see that this 'person' she has become she is definitely not comfortable with. That gives me hope, but I'm still concerned that in 6 months; it seems like I'm the only person that gets her to deal with the reality of the situation. Better yet, it maybe that the reality is hitting her and her 'wall' of keeping me from seeing it is starting to break down.

Today is a day that I realize how much my sitch is in God's hands.