Something shifted for you recently and things are moving emotionally for you. It is uncomfortable but by moving towards the pain and facing what was then in the 12 steps you can change.
I would like to remind you of some words Sandi put on my thread early on: nothing, but nothing you have done is any excuse for wayward behaviour in your W. Problems in your M can be addressed in a completely different way than waywardness. Nothing excuses the pain, hurt and damage of this type of behaviour. It will never address the underlying causes of poor communication between H and W.
OD, that was then and today you can never go back and redo the past, all you have is today and the changes that you can make today. I think you may find the 12 steps very helpful, those who have completed 12 steps and reach step 10 have a peaceful glow about them, whether they are the addict or the spouse/loved one of an addict. OD your W A is an addiction so that makes OD the spouse of a behavioural addict. The program for co dependence is a 12 step program OD. But if you want to 12 step then I am comfortable in being a channel for your higher power. If you like we can have a thread for that or one of your flat mates may be comfortable guiding you through the steps. To me it seems that Steps 1 to 3 could be covered by you in a single session. There is much guidance around the analysis needed in step 4, which is the most troublesome to navigate. That of identify your own behavioural issues and a sponsor can guide you and you seem to be lucky to have a choice.
OD, this is the time to concentrate on OD. Take what is valuable from W email and leave the rest behind. You can always delay your response and post here, Wonka, Starsky and Sandi are all great at these types of responses. HP always tested his responses and V uses the advice given as her guide.
It seems very bleak to you at present and I understand this.Shift often does this and I am glad for you OD that this shift has happened. There is much spew and justification in W email and the nuggets of truth which are a gift to you.
OD, you are in a unique position of being able to work on OD in the away space. Including going GAL. I am pleased you will also be at the Ceroc event, it will be enjoyable, distracting and a new skill set. Do go and enjoy yourself. There is a world outside of your sitch which will slowly assist with your PMA.
Very early on in my own sitch, I was presented with a reaction from H when I presented BD1. A similar email full of vitriol, justification for bad behaviour but also with a great deal of truth about the appearance of the screaming banshee and other awful reactions. Including that I was unsupportive, unromantic and not a 'we' person. Over the period then I have addressed those obvious weakness and am now tackling others, my health, fitness, drabness and financial failures.
Also realise that you will have to tango (Ceroc) alone for a while. You may faulter, stumble, and make most mistakes. Do so with the right intentions for OD and his sons and that is very positive. This sitch has been created by both W and H, so in time you will see each has their role to play. DB and 12 steps are compatible OD.
Keep posting and be ready to receive the love, support and generous advice of us mortals and the vets. oh and the 2x4.
I am projecting all the love and support I can to you tonight so that you can sleep in peace.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 03/03/1511:57 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
