Why do you allow her to dictate to you, what your future is ??
You seem paralyzed by fear, of whether this will "work" out or not.
And is totally affecting your answer about how you see your life, and future...
What is it, exactly...that YOU are facing ???
What senses, exactly, are YOU hoping that SHE comes to ???
You still sound quite a bit superior, and judgmental towards her and her choices.
Would YOU wanna come back to that ??
And I agree with Kat, you have given almost every bit of power, to your spouse. She holds the key on how high you jump, how you respond, how you interact, how you parent your children, etc...
Why ???
Hi Mach, thank you for your thoughts. Let me start by suggesting you are off on your charge that I am acting "judgmental". Let's make sure we are on the same page of what being "judgmental" looks like. Here is one definition:
being intolerant, lacking compassion and objectivity.
So, I mention that my W is confused (she is not signing the divorce papers I gave to her, and is not making any move toward working on our marriage), and this seems like a pretty "objective" observation by me.
Let me add that when I had dinner with d18 and d17 over the weekend that W has turned down a job on the grounds that she could not be "passionate" about it. Now W is making some money as a photographer, but our daughters observed that it is not enough work to pay the rent. I don't think my saying W is "confused" is a judgmental statement, and instead is a clear observation.
You also ask "what senses do I hope she comes to"? When a W in a marriage of 22 years with 4 children walks out without ultimatum or effort on counseling this doesn't make sense to me.
A W who is on dating sites while married and recently was on dates most nights, also does not make sense to me. No judgment here, I am merely reporting to make a point. And a W who is the primary caretaker for 2 of our children, without steady money coming in, and actually turns down a job, again doesn't make sense to me.
I'm not saying that W coming back to our marriage would be "coming to her senses." Leaving marriages happens all the time in our world today, and she is an adult capable of making this decision. And this is out of my control. Instead, I am hoping that she come back to her senses on her being able to support herself, and comes back to make our children a priority in her life.
Next, you and Kat say that by my using this time as a "gift", and working on myself and enjoying my time with the children, that this somehow means that I am giving "every bit of power" to my W. Again, I disagree. I trust in the DB system. I trust that my W's mid-life crisis with time and patience that she can work on herself, and this may be someone I would want to have a r with. And if it is for the good of my family, I can be a little more patient.
Patience is not weakness on my part. Today I choose to not divorce my W.
