Life 2.0 Pt 6

[NH115]

We stayed in the R talk pattern as long as we did because we're both fixers...to both of us, not talking was ignoring and letting things fester. It both took us a long time (as you're well aware) to realize that we were a) beating dead horses and b) making ourselves feel worse than we did before.

Not feeling the need for R talks has also brought us out of the bedroom and into the main part of the house. More life, more interaction with the kids. She's engaging in her creative pursuits more and more (photography).

When W told her best friend about OM, his question to her was "what is missing in your marriage that he's giving to you?" Her answer was, "He's in a good mood." That goes back to my old moodiness; my inability to laugh at myself. Now I keep things upbeat in the house. If there's something funny that happens to me in life, I make sure to share it with her. If I screw something up, I make a joke about it. When one of our favorite sitcoms is on, I make sure it's playing. She exaggerates my lack of humor before, but it's not a totally out there criticism.

We're both big movie buffs, so we have a whole repertoire together of movie lines that fits our life situations. I'll trot out some of our favorite lines on occasion. It's one of the things that tends to bind us.

One nut I'm having a hard time cracking is sexuality. While I still am certain that they did not have sex, OM awakened her sexually during a time that she didn't feel that with me. He validated her as a woman. I compliment her, I openly admire her when she's naked, or getting dressed, I give her affection....but she still will not have sex (for the record I am not initiating, to keep the pressure off). She just says it makes her very uncomfortable. He turned her on spontaneously and naturally, in a way I apparently haven't in a long time. Her biggest issue with our relationship is her inability to feel that sexual chemistry with me. If she could feel that again, that would be a huge win. Emotional intimacy is a prerequisite for physical intimacy, at least with her, so I've been concentrating on that instead.