He did eventually have a short relationship with this woman but he swears he only pursued her after deciding to leave.
This is a lie. 99% certain. Women sometimes leave first and have affairs after, but men almost ALWAYS leave to be with another woman.
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Now, he confessed to having a one night stand a couple months ago.
Did he confess spontaneously because he felt so guilty, or after you found him out? If it was after you found out, likely it was more than a one night stand - or he has been having multiple one night stands.
Has he ever gone to marriage counseling with you? Would he go? Does he have a drug or drinking problem?
How long have you been married and how old are your kids?
My ex had an affair after 16 years of marriage - we reconciled and had a few more good years but then he went into a serious midlife crisis and left again after 24 years. (In retrospect, I think there may have been more going on during our marriage that I was just too trusting to see.)
I do think that once that door has been opened, for some men it's just too easy to cheat again. It would take SERIOUS work in counseling for him to get to the root of his problem and become the husband you deserve. If he's willing to do that, fine, you can work on the marriage and at least you will have peace that you did everything you could. But if he's not committed to doing that, owning his bad behavior and showing you his sincere resolve - don't waste your time.
Also - before you do ANYthing - consult with a lawyer and find out your rights. You may find that it is financially advantageous for you to do certain things or wait a certain time (for instance, if you've been married 9 1/2 years, you may as well keep quiet for another 6 mos until it's ten years so that in retirement you can claim social security benefits based on his income if needed.)
I'm sorry, but surely you can see that at this point, this is not really about you and your failings (although we all have them and need to work on them) but about HIS issues with infidelity.
