Old dog seeks new trick 9

[Old Dog]

OD,

I've read through this thread and see that W is still involved with OM.

Here is what you need to do going forward:

-Stop talking about your sitch to other people. Full stop.
Understood, although this was the first and last time with a joint friend.
-If you need to talk about your sitch, come here or talk it over with your own IC
OK
-Stop asking about W to children...this puts them in the middle (and it makes you look like a stalker!)
OK. I only did it twice and it backfired twice, so no more.
-Get your mojo back...confidence, strength, dignity
er ... OK. When I read No More Mr Nice Guy, it more than struck a chord. The whole damn piano collapsed.
-Engage in your GAL with healthy people (not sure about being around alcoholics or drug addicts)
Don't worry about my flatmates, they haven't used for years. They've done the 12 steps and help others in the same position now. They are really supportive. I trust them.
-Put on something new each time you see W...one new shirt, pair of shoes, belt (you get the idea)
-Look like a million dollars (clean shaved, or trimmed beard)
Yes, I've tried to be presentable ever since bomb day. I always shave, I started splashing on some aftershave which I've never done before and bought some new clothes.

Once every 3 weeks or so, give your W a genuine and sincere compliment. It can be her new hairdo, clothes, or how she handled a problem--especially as a mother. It seems to me that your W's LL is WOA.
I'll have to set my alarm for that. It's just something that never occured to me. Not laziness or selfishness so this would be a 180 as I was lacking in this.

What is her second LL? Most of us have two primary LLs. Keep in mind LL is what makes her giddy...not how you give it. But it is how she receives it.
Her second LL would be quality time with a hint of gifts.
Mine are PT/QT closely followed by WOA. When I receive them in heaping doses, I feel good and loved.
Mine are also PT/QT
Funny...when I show love to others, it is through AOS and PT.
And I naturally dole out AOS and find it awkward to do WOA. Got to learn that. I have made some improvement though, and not just with WAW.

Thank you so much for this Wonka. I think I got lost somewhere along the way.