I see that many of us here also share another thing in common - spouses who don't/won't communicate effectively. I got the blame for moving too, but as I remember, I initialized it, and he ran with it. I get it.
Oh man, upstate NY where? My D21 goes to college in upstate NY, and we are not talking Albany or Syracuse. She's almost in Canada. It's kind of funny - she says that lots of the kids she goes to college with haven't been west of Cleveland. They live in the state with the largest city in the US and they think everyone else are city slickers? WTF? She's got issues with the tunnel vision and the lack of sophistication, not in style but of attitudes, mores and beliefs. I understand that.
I grew up in northern VA and you'd think that being in another large urban area that people would be savvy and well traveled. I found out exactly how NOT that was when I left. People were genuinely disturbed that I found a fulfilling, exciting life outside of DC. They couldn't understand why anyone would want to leave. I'm being dead serious. On the flip side, my mom grew up in podunk MN - north of Duluth on Lake Superior - also near Canada. People there generally accepted that the residents would go to college in the twin cities, and possibly live there, but her hometown friends were genuinely perplexed that she would leave the state. Well, they would have accepted if she moved to either Florida or Arizona, but why would anyone leave MN for any place else? Again, I'm serious.
I think wherever you live, there is the tendency to perceive "others" as something odd/weird/interesting/different because humans genuinely don't like to seek out change.
I can tell you honestly that when I was a teenager, sitting in one of my high school classrooms, and then again at work years later, staring out my window to gaze on the runway at National Airport (ok, Reagan National), I would literally imagine myself anywhere else but there. I would tell my office mate, "I wish I were on THAT plane" (pointing to one taking off) and he would quip, "What if it's going to Wichita?" I remember thinking that I just didn't care. I knew I was destined to leave my home town and go somewhere that I could redefine myself and start all over. My XH is from northwestern Montana and about as far from my upbringing as I could have possibly gone. Yet, we share many of the same beliefs and attitudes. I think it has to do with how our families of origin viewed wayfaring folk. My family has never had that sense, as my dad's family never lived stateside as long as I've been on this planet. Who knows?
Personally, I think where you live is less an indicator than the general attitude of change and growth. Perhaps your H is one of those people who just doesn't want to understand your POV?
Sorry for rambling. I'm hungry and need to eat something. Maybe I'm suffering and delusional.
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The truth is that STBX and I speak very, very rarely right now - so, since I am initiating an actual conversation - I guess I'm giving it a lot of thought.
This is probably growth for you, Raliced. I think this is a good thing to do.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
