Hopeless in NYC

[eclipse]

Dude, I feel for you, I really do. I've heard it all before, and it does sound like a classic bout of MLC.

Women get MLC? And at 29?? Sorry, I don't know much about the human condition because I have a natural tendency to self-isolate and have lived a very sheltered life since I met my W at age 16. So is this similar to how I started to question my life and flipped out right before I turned 30 back in September? Is it her turn now?

It is not about you, it is about her. She's got to get on with her journey of growing up and it is her journey to take. You CANNOT fix her, because you have not broken her. Prepare yourself for the possibility of another man in the picture. There usually is one.

It is confusing. She hated me for giving so much of myself to my job and now she is working herself to death in a graveyard shift which takes a heavy toll on her mentally (one of the key reasons I was supportive of her switching jobs before). She is so pleased with herself for getting by without me...I wonder if she thinks it's the same as what I had to go through while supporting our family. Yeah, she keeps talking about finding another man and having a child with him because she wants another one and can't fathom the thought of doing that with me again.

Protect yourself and protect your assets ( savings).

Kinda hard to do because she keeps changing her mind. First she wanted to give me most, then split 50/50, now back to most just so I would let her go already. She asks me how much child support I would like to pay but then asks if I even want to pay child support at all. How can I plan around this? I don't know...take when she's offering and shove it into some account for the kid that she can't touch? I've never had financial aspirations...as long as I have enough for food and shelter, I just don't care. It bothers her because she doesn't have that as leverage--I'm willing to burn our savings to the ground and spend any extra income to keep her stuck with her parents for the next few years.

WHAT DOES ECLIPSE WANT TO DO IN LIFE? You want to take that trip you always dreamed about? Now is the time. You also have a journey to take. You have to lead by example.

The problem is that I never wanted anything out of life except female companionship. Sad, I know...but I pretty much have everything else one needs to get by. I think I read in Sandi's rules I'm not supposed to be having *that* kind of fun at this stage. To complicate matters, there is the interesting caveat in my marriage, that my W and I are each others first and only. I think I made it an unwinnable scenario because I did express interest in sexual encounters with other women at some points in the R. This was especially the case at the height of my pre-30 insanity, and at some point I actually started verbalizing low confidence in carrying through on such curiosities (yes, I know it's insane). So now she uses this as ammunition and calls me an "eligible bachelor," saying that as a good looking guy with a great job I shouldn't have any trouble finding someone. And yes, for the first time in my life, I've actually started noticing that women other than my wife do actually check me out, and that apparently some really good-looking ones who stalk me on Facebook would like meet me (thanks, sis). And it's flattering, it really is...but I just don't care. The grass isn't greener on the other side, and I am hotter for W than ever.

From the bird-eye view: if I don't meet anyone else, she doesn't feel like I chose her and that I'm still just in desperation mode. If I do meet someone else, it proves I'm not serious about family life and she was right to suspect it would become a problem eventually. Checkmate!

stay away from booze or other quick fixes.

Crap, I just finished up a spare grigio!