I just want you to know that I'm not handing out 2x4's today, but I am concerned about you and what's going on in your situation.
You want a better me, a better h and a better marriage. So, start w/you. What are the things that you are aware of that you need to change/improve? You can only control yourself and the more you change, the more your h will notice the changes. I'm not here to judge you, but there are several things that I sense from your postings that I think you are already aware of that may need some work: patience, expectations and temper.
You may not want all of this messy stuff, but that's MLC for you. Sure you are getting tired of it...who isn't? Look around the forum. There are people posting who have been at it for a number of years and are still here trying to work on themselves and figure things out. Look at ForeverYoung. He's still living w/his wife and he's not had a picnic either, but he's figuring things out by testing the waters and doing more of what has been working. So, your h hasn't given any thought to date night...it's not the end of the world and it's not on his radar right now, but who is to say it won't be next week or the week after. What he said to you wan't being hurtful...he was being honest w/you at that very moment.
You have two choices, figure out what you want and stay the course or the two of you separate. MLC is very difficult, frustrating and painful, but I think it's even harder for those who are still under one roof...but if you truly want to fight this crisis, then you will need to detach, leave him be and go on w/your life for now. YOU can't rush the process. It has to take it's course just like the measles or mumps.
He's a teenager and teenagers don't always think about anyone else but themselves. Keep in mind, if you are frustrated w/his mixed signals, just try to picture how he must feel w/your signals. Either you want him to come closer or you don't. He can't read your mind, nor can you read his.
I honestly don't think you are done...but I will say this, your actions are telling him a different story about how you feel about him and the marriage right now. Change your actions and you just very well see a difference. Happy, you aren't going to be happy every day, but you have to learn to accept him for who he is right now, not the way he was. I know that this is very difficult for you, but if you want a chance of getting everything back on track, you need to detach a bit more and try to think of him as nothing more than a roommate at the moment. Hope is a good thing and it will help carry your thru the days ahead, just as long as your expectations are very low.
You are going to be okay. You just need to figure out how to react to him and his behaviors. Dig deeper for patience.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
