Rebuilding 1 step at a time

[Heart14]

Hi T0! Thanks for stopping by. Things are going pretty well. I've been MIA because we were on vacation. Escaping the cold Norteast for the tropics. It was nice and relaxing. Glad to be back to normal life again though. H and I both missed our son and our own bed. It's silly, but I hated sleeping in the king bed at the hotel. I like my cozy queen and being closer to H while we sleep. Somehow it makes me feel more connected to him.

I've been a little off lately because my mind keeps going back to where we were at this time last year. I am trying not to dwell in those feelings because it's not helping me. I'm considering scheduling a few IC sessions just to steady myself. I'm sure it can only help. H is not acting in any way like he was when things were bad. I need to trust that. Sometimes that's a lot easier said than done.

We talked about it the other night. I don't think it made him feel great. I told him that I am scared that if things get out of synch he would stray again. I also talked about how lonely I was during that period. He admitted he was very lonely then too. He reassured me that he hated how he felt during the affair and he never wanted to make either one of us feel that way again. I know this is true. I could see that when it was going on. The fear is that those are just words. I never want to be a fool again. Apparently I have some work to do on letting go of fear still.

I know that was a little negative. I feel like this is a safe place for me to vent to others who can understand what I'm feeling. Overall, things are going well and I am still trying to focus on being the best me I can be. Most days I'm really proud of myself and who I've become on this journey.