1 - excellent stuff. I know I made a lot of headway connecting with him during our S with this on mind - assuming it was my job to figure out the sense he was making instead of his job to prove it to me.
Disclaimer - due to human nature pitfall, I was a lot more motivated to see things this way.
Must, must keep this attitude. The payoff is worth it. Connection feels good, period.
4. Ew, hard question.
He said to me a few weeks ago, just let me know if I need anything you're there.
We are also combatting something else - if I ask questions, he tends to get his back up like I don't trust him to take care of stuff. 2x in one week he's been all like, "one of these days you will just trust me and I will keep pushing back until then." I end up feeling disrespected and blown off - I mean I'm a partner, not a little kid. I told him this, he says fair enough. If I say, where are we going...what does he gain from being all mysterious about a mundane part of our day? It's a control battle as far as I can tell. I'm trying to look at this fun new behavior that
a) it came from past feelings of me not trusting him - I didn't trust him to find the 'correct' solutions
b) asserting independence and forcing me to be deferent?
So any interest I express in much of anything kind of gets met with this defensive my -life, my- problems attitude even tho he is ALL over supporting me, wanting to be included in re-financing stuff, my new ventures this month...
Gah.
And then for the rest of your question, Susana - here's a big chunk of honesty - I am genuinely interested in my H and his points of view, interests. I'd be a lot more respectful of them if they sounded remotely like mine. And happier to hear them if they didn't fire me up so much.
H philosophy...it can be so d*** painful to listen to sometimes. He's a lovely man and I love him dearly but if most men are from mars, he's been taking residence up on Pluto for a while.
Eh. That's on me, not him. See #1. That kind of open-accepting mindset takes A LOT of energy.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
