Yesterday morning, W shows up at home about 15 minutes after the latest time I wanted to leave for work. I asked her if she could be there at X:XX time so I can leave between X:XX and Y:YY (30 minute range) for work. She does not want her mother knowing anything yet. I let this slip as I did not mention any specific time the previous day, and assured her it was OK this time. We agreed upon the X:XX time.
In the evening, I get home. W is doing homework while watching S. We hang out for awhile, pleasantly converse about a few things. She says she needs to go somewhere to pick something up and then do more homework else where. I say "wouldn't you like to stay to help put S to bed?" She says "I do not see how I can do that with time and I feel like I am not wanted here." I respond, "I did not kick you out, and have said otherwise. If you feel like you need to leave, that is fine."
She leaves. On leaving, she said that she will be home on time for S, as to not let her mom know that anything is awry.
This morning. X:XX comes around. Do not hear from W. At about 5 minutes until Y:YY, I leave with S3 to take him to MIL's house for his care taking, so then I can get to work and support the family.
W calls, "Where is S3?" Me: "I took him to your mom's. I need to get to work." W: "I was trying to get up and move so I can get into the car and drive...I was pulling into the driveway right at Y:YY." she does have shoulder and back pain, so do I. Me: "We agreed upon a time you would be there, and you said you would be, but you were not. So, I took S to your mom's so I can get to work, as this is what I need to do."
She sees me driving past on one of the streets to get to her mom's house. Tells me to stop. I say OK. Stop and come to her window.
Me: "Hi." W repeats a few things she said before. Me: "We agreed upon a time, and you were not there. A call at X:XX, letting me know you would be late, would have been acceptable. It makes me feel disrespected otherwise." W: "You feel disrespected? You turned off my phone." Me: "I can see it feeling that way. I am not going to support you having an A though. If you want to do that, then you can pay for it, my money goes to supporting the family. If my boundaries are going to be crossed every step of the way, then I am going to take action to protect them. I have felt completely disrespected through this entire process, and I am sick of being trampled on. I cannot do that anymore. If there was a problem back in August (about a month ago, she did claim that she stopped caring about me then), I feel like it would have been a lot more respectful to bring it up then, but it was not, and I had to find things out the hard way, making me feel terrible." W: "Where was I supposed to go then?" Me: "That was up to you. These are your decisions."
Somewhere in there, she did ask if her mom said anything. I told her MIL was surprised and was wondering. I just told MIL that she can talk to W about it.
It really is amazing how much a person can change in a short period of time. In the past, through conversations, I learned that she was adamantly opposed to A, as this is what her dad did to her family, and she believed that people should be married only once. I held onto this, felt like I could fully trust her. She also used to be very punctual, and would let others know when she was running late. Not the case now apparently.
