ok I appreciate the vote of confidence, Though I decided to let her go and find myself. I find it hard still at times to say no. Knowing she is just going to get pissy with me, and get more angry! Like a vicious circle.
When you do it right it will feel good. All that love you where giving her you give to yourself and accomplish some stuff you always wanted. You can't really tell them anything, life will.
If your W agrees to your boundaries (the ones twin pitched), I don't see a thing wrong - in fact, I see pretty much EVERYTHING RIGHT - with you agreeing to W staying at the house that week.
I'm thinking as a woman here ... and I don't want this to lead to expectations on your part, but ...
The fact that she even pitched staying at y'all's house that week at all tells me maybe there's already "trouble in Paradise" re: the A. (Sorry for the visual, but ... if you were sleeping with someone else's W, would you want HER staying in her marital home, with her H, for a week?? See what I mean?) And if *I* were in an A, I'd think the LAST PLACE I'd want to be - even if my friend was going to be there - would be in the house with my H. Just sayin' ...
If you can place some serious boundaries around yourself, and if you could use that week to really shine in your NEW role as Rysin, I honestly don't see a downside to you agreeing to let your W stay at the house. I'm just thinking back to my own sitch, and I would have used the HELL out of a situation like that to show my H what he was missing out on.
You'd just have to make sure you're on your A-game pretty much 24/7.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Well I don't think she wants me here that week. But she never stated so. But before me telling her I was stepping away she said she wanted the house alone. But that is not going to fly.
Yeah, don't leave. But also don't miss out on the opportunity. And don't look desparate. Maybe offer a compromise...I don't know. Don't let her control you. I hope with some help here you'll be able to master this situation and find a good way to deal with W request. What's the situation or how do you think will she react?
Last edited by Complex; 03/03/1507:07 AM.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
So I am going to tell her. "W you are more than welcome to come stay at the house to spend time with (friend). But I will not be leaving the house it just doesn't work for me and my sitch right now. If you decide you are going to stay know that there are a few boundaries that must be followed. OM will not be at the house with/without me there. And I will not tolerate you talking or texting him in front of me. If you can respect these boundaries then we will be good, I will respect your need for personal time with (friend) as well. If you overstep thesee boundaries I will have to ask you to leace.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Sounds good to me too - you've thought about it, you can accommodate the request - but you aren't putting yourself out (by moving out) and your W needs to respect clear boundaries whilst she is there.
My guess is she may not take up the offer....but that's up to her I guess!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
So she actually took the offer and said thank you. With a little comment about me respecting here boundries with women. I said I don't have women, but I respect your request and agree, she then states "oh I know you talk to we man and have them over at the house!" I said well that is how you perceive things and then I said have a good day. Couldn't help but chuckle.
