The more I think about how my WAW must feel, the more I realize she must find it hard to trust me. I met up with a friend yesterday and talked about the situation leading up to my wife leaving/filing for divorce. Now, I was trying to not contact my wife, but I sent her this little text last night hoping she'd feel a little better (trying to show empathy).
My text: I met up with a friend today and was brutally honest about the way I had been acting the last few years. By discussing it I realized you'll never be able to trust me again. I understand.
Then tonight, my wife sent this long text. It is the most she has opened up so far. Does anyone out there feel she is letting her emotional defenses down a bit? How should I reply? Should I even bother replying?
My wife's text: I just wanted to say after that last text, I think you are right. I hate you for that, we could have a good marriage, but you never trusted me from the get-go and you wouldn't give me any personal space. Do you remember that old song - Hold on loosely, but don't let go, If you hang on too tightly to her, you're going to loose control. I felt like a little bird you held in your hand, and the more I tried to stretch my wings, the more tightly you squeezed on me. I would exhaust myself fighting up against you and I would give up on everything. Then when I was able to get out, of course I would try to do as much as I could, for 2 reasons. 1. It just felt so good to have my independence back, which I was used to having before getting married to you. 2. I needed to get as much done as I could because I never knew when the next opportunity would present itself. Then with the MS getting worse, it was that much more difficult to break free from the pressure you put on me. I was getting weaker and finding myself just giving in to what you wanted because I couldn't sum up the energy to stick up for myself. That just pissed me off, then you'd have the gall to wake me out of a perfectly good sleep to yell at me over nothing ? I asked you politely to stop, which you seemed to understand, only to do it more and more often!
I am not sure what my wife meant about me not trusting her from the "get-go." The only thing I can think of is that she would over-spend big-time when she went shopping for herself and we had agreed to a budget.
Anyway, any thoughts? She really opened up.
Thanks.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
