[BrightFuture]

Gwen, I don’t know if I would call it expectations. I think I had some hope, but no expectations. Actually, just the opposite might be true, IDK. I totally expect him to be short and business like, and he has actually being pretty nice recently, addressing me by name all the time, which was not the case a year ago.

AJ, thanks for the post. Your insights are very valuable to me.

So... what's your thought on this? Was he a martyr to stay married to you for 17 years? Was he right that "people" don't change? I doubt it on both counts.

According to his words, he was not happy for the last 2-3 years before the BD, so it could be that he considered himself a martyr. I knew he was not right about “people don’t change”. I was just pointing out that he disproved himself about that.

Does that mean there's hope? There is as long as you say there is. But I have to wonder if you'd want to go back to the way things were or if you're just missing the 'old' days a bit

No, I don’t want to go back to the way things were, and you are right I just miss the old days.

Pigs might fly of their own accord too. Or as my grandmother used to put it, if frogs had wings, hummingbirds wouldn't f*ck with 'em (verbatim).

– Love that

You don't walk away from a 17 year marriage because your spouse doesn't make you happy any longer. Is it MLC? Who knows? But no, you walk away because you're unhappy. And you don't lie, cheat, belittle the other person because of it.

He actually didn’t lie, cheat or belittled me. Well, I say didn’t cheat in his own mind. There was no OW per se. I think there was a close friendship and probably some interest which he didn’t consider cheating at that time.

And that's really the part that chaps many of us. The unilateral choices where once there was teamwork.

Yes, it has been the hard part to accept that the decision was made without me having any say in it.

But at some point, you'll have to stop holding your breath and decide that you don't want him in your life and go be the best you that you can.

I think I came very close to this. And this is where he decided to visit, LOL.

I think I’ve been pretty much dealing with things as they come up recently. Thanks for the visual about putting the hope on the shelf. I can totally see it there, just hope it will not get too dusty .

Bea, thanks for the prospective. My sister’s H shows some signs of MLC sometimes, so no surprise there, that he considered H “normal” .