I haven't been DBing to the letter, but what I'm doing seems to be working.
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OK, major backslide and I was much too optimistic about what was going on with my W.
When you have a WAW, pursuing does not work!
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Time to start going dim again.
I do not recall Divorce Remedy ever using the term "going dim". What do you see as going dim?
Let me share something with you, okay? I have been M a long time, and at no time in those years did I have a problem with who I was.......or needing to find myself. I was an individual, but I was also in a marriage relationship. There was only one time I wanted privacy from my H. Want to guess when? During the time I was in an A.
When either person in a M has something to keep hidden from their spouse, it can usually be traced to something they know is wrong. Your W can sweeten her words and label it whatever she wants.......but if she has nothing to hide, she has no reason to change her passwords and keep them from you unless she is having inappropriate conversations with OP that she doesn't want you to see.
You already know this in your heart b/c you continue to say you don't think there is an OM. I think she will string you along and give you just enough crumbs to keep you in your place. You will continue to lie to yourself until it is slapping you up beside your head and you can't deny it any longer.
You can't be swinging from one side of the road to the other. You have to have a plan and stick to it more than a few days. You say you weren't really following DB, but thought it was working for you. If so, why the major backslide? B/C you knew things were not like they should be.
We have seen this before, so we get it. I just hope you start getting serious about sticking to real DBing, b/c I think you are headed for a mine field.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
