Mighty, Im sorry you had a difficult day. This is heartwrenching stuff.
I'm glad you are realizing it isnt about you. This crisis was years in the making. No amount of love could have stopped it.
Although it is hard to see through all the heartache this causes, your xh is in pain, too. Unbearable pain at times.
He is deeply unhappy. He doesnt know why. He just keeps trying everything he can, but, the despair it is still there. He became someone opposite of who he was. He lashed out at you, alientated his children, acts out, regressed. The deep sadness and confusion continues. He will keep searching until and unless he looks within.
I know his actions are devastating. I know you are angry, disappointed, hurt and deeply pained.
The way I see it is, that in life, we come to expect it to go a certain way.
But then life throws us some tough stuff from time to time.
We experience illnesses, death, miscarriages, divorce, etc. We think we cannot possibly get through them and yet we do.
Some of us come out stronger, some not so much. Some become bitter and some do not.
The difference, I think, in how we survive is not so much how tough we are, but, in how open we are.
We only get this one shot and we get to choose how we take it.
So, my friend, you will get to the other side. You just have to go through some really crappy parts to get there.
