I guess the whole defeat thing ... I dunno .. I see everyone's point, yes uR I rolled my eyes a tiny bit .. lol. I think its just the feelings that come with acceptance, that feeling that what we had was real and at one point was good ... sure there were rough patches here and there but I never thought one day I would be 'here' so as that realization and acceptance sets in so do certain feelings ... and they cycle.
Saturday I met W with S for baseball pictures. She called me as I was pulling in asking where I was, that she did'nt see anyone (Well, the fact she isn't at any of the practices and doesn't know the kids ... would be hard to pick them out of a crowd). She gave me a tiny spew storm as to me hanging up on her ... ticky tack ... but *shrug* I wasnt biting. She hands off S and takes off, this had me shake my head, she is full on into photography and has ALWAYS snapped pics as the team gets their pictures taken, almost embarrassing as she is usually crowding the guy getting paid to do this, but not this day .. she apparently had to go to the gym in a hurry. S and I did the pics, went and ate a nice breakfast then I picked up his belated B-day present ... a Lego set that we spent 5 ... yes 5 hours putting together. Had a blast, put Pandora on and continued his education on great music from the 80's and 90's. Went home and finished the Predator series and watched the first Aliens movie (Finale will be Alien Vs Predator). Was a great fun day with S
Sunday W TM me when I am dropping off S, told her we were on our way, she assumed my football game was cancelled due to rain. Told me she messed up her neck, informed me she was at a level 8 pain. I let her know we would be there in 15 minutes. So I get there and S is all excited about the truck we made, I hug him and say goodbye ... she asks if she can drop off S later so she can go get a massage. I told her I had plans, I didn't tell her I am no longer going to be daddy day care for whenever its convenient, but its how I feel. She gave me this look like she could not believe I was not tripping over myself to tell her I hoped her neck felt better and I would take S.
So went and played football, hung out with the guys for a few hours, was nice ... raining outside (Rear here) and no where to go or be, just enjoying the moment. Went home and watched a few movies, did some cooking for the week. W TM after S called asking again about talking about S and school ... was late and I was tired, so I went to bed.
Finally got the call about S, she did the field trip and noticed some behavior things with S, him being picked on a bit. She talked to him about it and has realized he is like her and has a hard time letting go so she discussed how to do this .... I literally was covering my mouth as she talked about this .. she is not one to teach how to let go as she holds on to everything but I STFU ... then ... here comes crazy, she suggested to S that he take a few ballons, write his problem on them with a sharpie and let it go into the sky.... I told her this and had her do the excact same thing about 10 years ago (seen it on TV), here she was acting like it was all her idea ... I was just like wow. So then the talk went into pushing S more, She wants S to spend 2 hours a night doing more school work... there are not enough hours in the kids day to do this especially on her nights so I know this would all land on me ... no thanks. I calmly stated my opinion, we do not agree, she started spewing and I actually pulled a mirror on her telling her that her mom did the same thing to her and she shared with me she hated her for it. This put her back, started crying and she hung up an thanked me for ruining her day.
Amazed how numb to that I am now. She will just keep being unhappy, nothing I can do there. Mediation is rapidly coming and I do not have all my paperwork but they will just have to work with what I have.
I was watching a show about stress and its effects... sleep was a big one and that in turn compounds into other areas. Confidence, memory, decision making and then that leads to more stress and its a vicious cycle. I first thought about myself and how early on this was so true, realizing now that I go to bed and just don't think about her or the sitch much anymore. Then I thought about W, I know she isn't sleeping, she looks horrible, I wonder how much this lack of sleep feeds the MLC virus, just an observation.
