I don't know that much about the legal side of it, but you may need to check it out and see if leaving your home could be counted as "abandonment", since there are children involved.
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she got upset and began crying and said divorce is so final. That she needs space and maybe in that space we could go to counseling. W said maybe she gets away and realizes how much she loves me, and though right now she doesn't see how we fix it but maybe she's wrong and maybe she gets some help too. This is all so confusing.
It's confusing b/c it's all BS! Phunguy, she is talking in WW code. She's saying she wants to continue with her same actions while living comfortably at home and you financially support her. She's not even committing to anything here. It's all about her! Do you see it? She is just dangling a little bait to keep you hanging on long enough to see if she's going to need you as her backup plan.
I think what you said to her was very good. However, I think she needs to get the message that it's not all about her, like she thinks it is. You can make decisions without her. That is what she needs to consider, that you may decide you can be happy without her.
She is playing the helpless damsel, when it suits her. She turns on the tears for special effects. It is nothing more than a stall. She is stalling for more time......but not to work on things, it's to see if her and OM will be plan A.
This is a critical time period. The more time you give her to stall about how she feels, the more she will jerk you around. If you agree to a separation, don't agree to an in-house S. I have never seen one lead to anything but more of the same cake eating behavior and then finally to a D. If you S, do it right and let her feel the full effects of her decisions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
