moving on

[Ahoy]

Thank you rd. I'm having a hard time today. I don't know why. I just donated some old books and stuffed animals of my daughter's that she set aside for that purpose. I guess I'm saying goodbye to an era, and goodbye to the dream of our family. I just don't understand what happened. I don't understand how he could become the person he is now and not have seen it coming. I would never go back to being in a relationship with him, but I am still sad. When does that end? Will there ever be a week in which I don't cry? It seems impossible some days.

[raliced]

Well- I'll tell you when I find out

I read somewhere that on average, for every year you were together it takes a month of recovery time - that seems optimistic to me. I think, too, when there are minor children involved and you have to be involved with the ex-spouse and you can't have complete separation and distance - it's a challenge.

You and D14 have a lot of positives to look forward to in the coming months. I hope the house sale isn't too awful. Is he being pretty cooperative with the rest of the dissolution?

[rd500]

Hi Ahoy, of course your sad, as you say at the moment it's the end of a dream. You say you don't know what happened and your right, how could you ? Your M may not have been perfect but not many are. Your H has chosen a path and you may never understand why. I think that's why we have to let go completly and not be angry, etc. I know by your posts that you were willing to work for the M but your H was not. Who can say if your H will ever want to return, (no matter what you feel ) but you will be happy again, you will go weeks without crying and you will be at peace but you have to work towards that to make it happen sooner.

Don't expect anything from H, he is not the man you knew and won't act like that man for a long time (if ever)This is all very easy for me to post but the doing is the hard part.

If you never want M back again then I have no doubt you will find a good person to share your life with if that's what you want. You are doing a fantastic job with D, you are stong when dealing with H and you offer great advice to others.

I often think if my W had half the backbone of the ladies on this site I wouldn't be where I am now.

Please be good to Ahoy, she deserve's so much more than this crap and better days will come.

Hugs and a big kiss on the cheek, Rd

[SunnyB]

Thank you rd. I'm having a hard time today. I don't know why. I just donated some old books and stuffed animals of my daughter's that she set aside for that purpose. I guess I'm saying goodbye to an era, and goodbye to the dream of our family. I just don't understand what happened.

Ahoy, you know I feel exactly the same way sometimes. Letting go of a cheating H is one thing, knowing that your family will never be the way you envisioned and planned it is harder. Knowing that a person who was supposed to be building that dream with you deliberately destroyed it is harder still. We all have those days.

But then you realize that any number of events could have changed your dream, caused it to change direction. Had your H been standing by your side at those events, you would have taken them in stride, built a new dream. Do that for youself, Ahoy. And I know you are, you are making bold moves for you and your D. You are a brave woman, dear. (((Ahoy)))

[Ahoy]

Thank you for the support rd, rpp, and raliced (all my faves begin with "R")!

I am making bold moves, and not sharing my feelings with H at all, trying to stay strong on all fronts. It can be exhausting. I no longer have that emotional safety net of a loving partner to collapse into. I have to trust and depend on myself alone, which is a good exercise, but scary.

As for the dissolution, I am still waiting for his response to my paperwork, so I don't know if he's being cooperative or not. I think part of why I am teary today is the anxiety of not knowing what to expect, and knowing that I need to contact him about the tax stuff. I'm going to call him in about five minutes and am trying to reach a place of calm before then.