Confused

[Joe46]

You have no other means of transportation until your truck gets out of the shop? You need to have your own private bank account. If she decides to leave, she could wipe you completely out. Anything you can do to protect yourself financially. Take your name off any credit cards she uses, etc. Don't warn her of any action you are taking. You have already given the warning, now comes the action.

I feel this particular stitch calls for a tough stand, and therefore, I would pull back as far as you can. I would not bend over to try and be all sweet good-guy & nicey-nice to her. Be civil and that's about it. Your message is that you are serious about no more of that cr@p under your roof and until you see it stopped, you are not pals.

If the 19 yr old is perceptive at all, he will pick up on the tension. If he asks you anything, assure him it has nothing to do about him and to wait a couple of days and then you may discuss it. If he goes to his mother, she is going to lie and blame you. This way, you are giving her a couple of days to get her act cleaned up......which is being very lenient, IMO. She can quit her job, delete her contacts, and all those dating sites, etc. Did you keep some evidence in case you need it?

Is this 19 yr old going to have a job while staying there, or is this just a visit?

I have the store truck to get back and forth from work. We have had separate bank accounts for awhile. She is terrible with money. I have taken steps to protect me financially the best I can. She has her money and I have mine. No credit cards together. I am done telling her what I am doing. I have been keeping my distance lately. Not being mean at all, but definitely not being her pal.

I don't have any actual proof of anything she does online as I don't have access to her computer. If something ever came up I could get the phone bill from the phone company. I am sure there would be something on there. As a matter of fact, I was thinking of having the phone bill emailed to me. Right now she pays it and it goes to her email. My name is the only name on the rental agreement. I can send a copy to the phone company if they need to know why I am switching it. If things turn really bad, I do have proof of her financial messes.

I think the 19 year old will start seeing things going on. I know she will lie to him. I doubt he will ask me about it. He will bottle it up. But if he mentions anything to his older sister, she will ask. She will also see things when she visits next weekend. She already know we are having problems. And yes he is getting a job and saving some money to start school in the fall.

Thank you for being here and listening and giving advice. It has been very hard the past 10 months. I was actually in the ER once for chest pains because I had a panic attack. I have not been able to talk about all this with anyone. Do you think she is also experiencing a mid life crisis and that is causing her to have no regard for her consequences and for only thinking of herself? She has a ton of signs of a mid life crisis! She has never been this angry at me or this emotional. I have never seen this before. I don't even know this person!!