Mighty, I'm sorry this is another tough day for you.
Job said some golden things right there.... resonated with me as well.
There are days I STILL look around and I can't. fn. believe it. There is definitely another level of pain that comes with the acceptance. And I believe the acceptance happens in stages, too, with varying degrees of ***really*** accepting it all.
For example, I am so sure my H still has feelings for me, just as yours still does for you. Does it change anything today? Nope.
Healthy people don't do what they did, in the way they did it. And they continue to run from their accountability.
Healthy people don't disregard their children and cut off family members like this.
He is sick. He is in crisis. He cannot cope with the feelings....especially the deep ones.
He cannot see a way out of this, nor can he see a way back to you, so he convinces himself to keep going the opposite direction because that way, even if he is not happy, it just hurts less. And that's all he can handle.
Nothing we do is going to change that. Nothing.
He has to do this on his own. No other way. Of that I am certain.
The best thing we can do is get out of their way. Get out of their thoughts. And better yet, get them out of ours for now.
You have to feel this. It's a death inside. I remember feeling a part of my heart....dying. And it keeps doing that off and on, with less hopeless despair.
On the other side of this period in time, is a life to be lived. You don't have to have it all figured out today. But with each small step you take, your path will become clearer and clearer. Be patient, be gentle with the way you talk to yourself, and be ok not knowing what the future is for now. It will begin to take form in front of you with each day, even if you can't see it yet. One day, you will.
