Where do I go from here?

[NewB3]

yes, been having "people" over for dinners since the first of the year. Have been doing a guys night out every other week. Sometimes just going out to dinner alone and sit at the bar. Making eye contact, talking with people.

I'll keep my nose clean, just keep me in check. Good advice is always welcome.

[Starsky309]

Good deal.

Hey, on a more positive note, something like 20% of divorced couples do remarry each other, and the overwhelming majority of them report that the new marriage is way better than the old one. I'm really not trying to take away your HOPE, only your FOCUS.

[NewB3]

A quote that helps me focus...
“The greatest gift that you can give someone is the gift of your time. You should treat your time like it’s the most precious thing in the world to you. If you do, then you will no longer allow other people to waste your time, take you for granted, disrespect you or treat you like a second-class citizen. When people value and respect your time, you give them the gift of more of your time. When people treat you harshly, take you for granted, or treat you like a disposable commodity, you should give them the gift of missing you. If you value, love and respect yourself, you will make sure and only allow people into your life and inner circle that treat you that way.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

[NewB3]

Friends starting to reach out to me about this weekend. Singles awareness day is upon us. Not sure i want to be around anyone that I have to talk to. There is an "event" in town that will be a big people draw. May just make my way to that and go with the flow. Alone, might be best. Just feeling the pressure today of what my life has become.

[NewB3]

Food for thought....
" The key to achieving success in any endeavor and mastering things you are a novice at is time, repetition, consistent effort, and continually refining one's approach." CW

Well, there is a lot of that going on here. Continually reading/researching and refining approach to life, relationships, kids, and learning new things.
I have goals. However, some may seem unrealistic at times, that does not stop me from improving me. From moving forward and keeping focused on what I want. I cannot force anyone to do anything, but by redefining my relationships and focus, I can live life the way I want and move forward.

[NewB3]

Well, The weekend is here. Not sure what it holds, but I know one thing....radio silence from me. I have nothing planned, but will go out, will work on the house, and will not think about WAW. I hope she has a good weekend with S4. Any good advice/books recommended in my current sitch?

Starsky309? You still here?

[Starsky309]

Yep, right here! Been dealing with another newbie in a bit of a crisis today, but I'm following along when I can.

Yes, make yourself a short list (so that you can end up checking most of it off as ACCOMPLISHED) going into each weekend. Keep yourself busy, and physical labor stuff like you've got planned on the house is ALWAYS good for the soul!

I've got a ton of great non-fiction, self-help/relationship-type books I can suggest, but sometimes it's good to just curl up with a great BIOGRAPHY or even some great FICTION sometimes. Read about Churchill, or Lincoln, or someone from history whose strength and resolve you admired.


STarsky

[NewB3]

Good week last week. Tried really hard to move on. Put away daily reminders of WAW. She was out of town so I had S4 with me all weekend too. She called from the airport to discuss pickup time. i told her a time. I shortly there after texted a fly/drive safe, it is raining here message with a pic of S4. She called when she got home. Again to see what time she could pick up S4? Weird how she does not hear me.
She arrived at pickup time. We both reached for the door (details)as S4 tried to fall into the doorway. Her hand, mine reached too. So, my hand on top of hers opening the door. She did not pull away? Anyhow. Got S4 into the car. S11 came down to help. Told S4 of a game he had asked me to call him mommy about later. She wanted to get a game for him on her ipad that S11 had and S4 played. However, since S11 talked about the game as I walked away, I turned to make sure she saw me wave. I went inside.
She called me that evening and said she doid not recieve a text from me about the game. I told her S11 talked to them about it and there was nothing else I knew so I did not text. She then put me on speaker for S4. He said"I miss you daddy." Sad voice. I paused......
I told him I missed him too. She then got back on the phone. She tells me she has no internet or homephone...wire cut by workers while she was out of town. Me thinking...WOW...so why ask me all that stuff about a game she cannot download???
The next evening she calls to tell me about soccer for S4. She goes back out of town next week so I get s4 (due to her trip and how the schedule worked out) 7 days
She tells me every single detail about where practice is, what he needs to have on, etc. I have the paper she gave me with all the same stuff on it, but I let her talk. Before she got off the phone, I told her thanks for letting me know (weird). I remembered I am supposed to be nicer, so I asked about her trip. She sounded excited I asked and went back into blabbing. ( I feel she is missing our connection and co-parenting is not easily done when you live apart) Who knows)

All of that to say, I joined 3 sites to find a friend last week. Looking to go on some dates and get ready for summer. WAW has had the last of my mental tug of war efforts to stay "around". I am looking ahead, but keeping the door cracked. Without hopes or what -if's. Ball is in her court, I have no control and can only be me, the person she fell so hard for....the one who has only changed for the better.
joining the sites, not to transfer my affections onto someone that used to be hers, but for me to continue healing in a healthy way and move on.

[NewB3]

Cold night with S4. Looking forward to weekend with S11. Doing guy stuff and maybe a movie. Going to hardware stiller to see about building things and setting up basement for workshop.
Still checking my dating apps. A few prospects, if I could only figure out good conversation starters. I am fine in person, but I have to chat before I can get a meeting for coffee:)

[NewB3]

Have s4 all week. Looking forward to just being on his level and doing stuff he wants. Ex contact has been 0. Proud to say that looking for other people and being active has not only helped me drop the rope, but let this ship sail again.
Feeling excited everyday to just live life. Do I think about her....sure, but I cannot do anything about that/her.
She reached out yesterday...sent me a pic of S4. I saw it as soon as she emailed it, but thought....I'll wait to say thanks. She called 2 hours later. Chatted about he week for S4 and I thanked her for the pic. She changed to excited to chat woman and told me every detail of their day. I listened and then told her that I am glad they had a good time. We got off the phone. It was great to not miss her the minute or any time after the phone conversation.
I have been asked by my therapist and doctor....what will you do when/if you get the "phone call" from her? my answer....I'll post that tomorrow. Stay -tuned