Feeling lots of grief today. Trying all of my tools in my tool box but nothing is helping with this uneasy feeling.
I did realize that it is not about me. I kept trying to figure out why he like her more or would go back after everything he told me., but I don't think that is it at all.
He even said that he has feelings for me still. How could he really feel good about jumping into that if that's the case.
He is so confused (he even said a million times "I don't know what I'm doing" and he can't make decisions. He even said she is a control freak, I I know 100% she is a manipulator. I'm not blaming her- he's the one choosing these actions when there are other choices. But I just know it's not about me. He didn't choose her. He is choosing to be manipulated and choosing not to be accountable and choosing not to do the work inside, choosing not to do the work in r's.
I think it's sad. For him, for my kids, for my family. That he does not have the courage to be alone. To work on himself. He is digging himself deeper. It's awful to watch, especially knowing that it is closing the door on our family forever.
I can't shake this horrible feeling inside.
I know it is the same ol', but I just don't know what else to. I was hoping I'd feel better after this acknowledgment of my feelings. I don't. It works sometimes.
Ok, I will keep moving, but it isn't easy. I am stuck in a abyss of despair. Still can't find what I'm looking for. What will bring less despair into my world. I can't believe this. I can't believe he has this baby. This is the pits.
