Wife left me three weeks ago!

[alpha99]

Hi T,

Thanks for the comments. I think you're spot on. I think in trying to be nice I have come across as weak and W has exploited that. Maybe the children was the wrong topic to take a first stand on but here's what has happened. I read in DR just last evening, after all if this child arrangement argument went on, that if you stop more of the same behaviour, in my case maybe being too nice and walking on egg shells, you might see your W initially get angry. Well, as I've written earlier that's exactl what happened. However, she has just called (6am here, a little early) to say hee father will take the kids to school and if I want to pick them up this afternoon, see them for a bit, and take them back to her folks, then that's fine. A bit of a turn around from yesterday evening when she said she'd take them to and from school all week and I woukdnt be needed. I know her father is off work today and so could have done both school runs. Hopefully, and I might be wrong here, but setting a boundary on not being messed about over when I have the kids might have had an affect. As I said earlier, I did send a conciliatory text to apologise but also outlined how although things are hard for her having to work and look after the kids I did feel.messed around. I think this is a positive step.

My wife is now off work for about 5-6 days. No doubt her urgency to decorate our house so it's in a position to be sold is going to fill that time. I am going to arrange my next coaching session in the next day or so to cope with this and just check that Im doing things right. Having read DR up to taking stock yesterday, I do feel all the useful advice, the thing that stands out in my situation is LRT. We are physically separated. I am GAL-ing. I think I need to continue this, setting a few boundaries, and see what happens. I've barely called or texted W this past week. She has called me far more often, although each time has been business like without a hint really of concern for me. There has been some moments of that in our faxe to face meetings. I think a week is too short a time to have gotten the results I want. I can see some change so I need to be patient. My wife diesnt know about my planned activities for the week yet. In taking the kids to her later I will outline them during the course of setting my availability to see the kids. I hope that's a good strategy.