I have followed your story but haven't really ever had anything I felt was helpful to add as you've always had a wise support group. Anyway, This post sounds so hopeful. I am happy for you and can only echo what Maybell said - so happy that you and STBX gave the gift of figuring out what a jerk he was before bringing kids into the mix. Not that it makes the loss any less painful but you still are young and have so much hope for a REAL relationship.
