[BrightFuture]

Hey AJ, funny you asked. I was just about to post about that.

So, today I’m still processing the events from this weekend. Even though I was prepared for H’s visit and thought that I didn’t care, it still shook me off a bit. I realized that there was a little bit of hope deep inside to see something positive. This little tiny hope came to the surface and now I feel like there is a battle going on inside of me. This little hope is fighting with the feelings of disgust and disappointment about what H has become.

Then, I’ve been having these thoughts again, that H is not in MLC. It is just who he is and always has been, I just didn’t see it clearly enough. My BIL (sister’s H) told me that H looked and behaved normal, with the exception of the remark about the smart phone and Facebook.

H seems to understand where he is in life, he is enjoying his life, having fun, meeting with people… He looked normal to me too when I saw him the other day. So, maybe this whole MLC thing is just in my head to keep my hope alive. And there is nothing wrong with H, he is not in crisis, it is just H stopped loving me because I was just not good enough for him. Notice, I said “good enough for him”, meaning he just needs a different person to be his companion and soul mate. That is all it is.

Oh, forgot to mention my thoughts about H’s comment that he has changed. 2 years ago one of his reasons that our M would never work was that “people just don’t change”. He meant that he could not see me changing from that “negative” person he said I was to someone who could be fun to be with again.