bea- I think you are right about 4 weeks. I know it will only be a drop in the bucket, but if I look back two weeks from where I am now... it totally freaks me out. Not something I EVER want to go back to.
Shining- heeeeeeeeeey, girl! HA! Beautiful writing? If you call a big, burly female truck driver cussing up a storm at the road block when on a deadline put into a sweet cadence of my writing...
That kind of beautiful? Possibly the first time I've metaphor-ed myself as "big, burly" female... but the mouth of a trucker... well... in my most innocent girly giggle... maybe?
uR, thanks for the post. I will choose JOY! Little by little it wont even be a choice... it will be my life. I have appreciated your posts, and I recently read your post, I think to Heather?, and it really meant a lot to me. I know you have been through it and you understand so well. I have been looking at things to look forward to. Small, little things that I know xh wouldn't enjoy, and I can enjoy them carefree, without guilt, or taking away from anyone. (I think part of xh's insecurities is being able to enjoy things for others... things he didn't understand seemed almost like a threat to him... if that makes any sense.) But I am TRYING to find the little thing to REALLY enjoy and look forward to.
Karma- I too am glad to be away from him. Like this, anyway. And "this" is what he is. I miss "that" but "this" can stay away!
AJ- I was just thinking about how I felt that I'd hit a wall for the day. And I was thinking that as days slowly progress, I have a tendency to hit a wall... Like OK, enough for the day. Then I read your post and you gave the stringing along the minutes analogy, and it was like you read my mind! So, I guess it's pretty "normal" to have this wall-hitting feeling. As long as I realize that the time pre-wall-hitting was enjoyable. Love that time of day!
Well, I did hit a wall. My heart takes a toll... I really feel it internally. So I was contemplating on things I could do to... feel better. I came up with what I stated to uR. Then I though I could just be. That its OK to not be on cloud nine, and yet I don't need to soak in misery either. I can just be.
Then xh dropped of d14 (he took her and a friend to the movies today- she still won't go without a friend or s18- he used to say no and not take her if she wanted a friend, at least now he will). But, as I was stewing in my wall-hitting, getting-through-it, just-be-ing, mind, I had to watch pull off to hww's. Yeah, it gave me a hari kari moment. But, I'm OK. I picked myself back up. And I'm gonna chill. I'm gonna enjoy the night in my bed watching shows I like (prob w d14) in my fleece sheets. C'mon, y'll... you tried them? They are the BEST! Need them 'round these parts! And they make me happy.
