I am back in Europe, and have now met a bunch of wonderful people at EE who support me in going through what now looks like an inevitable D. One of them, herself going through D, inoculated me with the phrase "you are a good man", which has been helping me withstand onslaughts from W. and keep to that truth instead of believing the spew.
Two cases: W put up list of things to do house-wise in order to sell it, on the fridge. My jobs are in italic. Today, as she and i carried a door down for painting prep, I said that I'd rather be asked than told what to do. She said that I had no right to be peeved, as she did "all the work, all the time", which is not true. I listened, didn't take the bait, and walked away to another task that needed doing.
Case 2: returning from a friend's newly opened restaurant, where we had been discussing the interior decoration, W sarcastically says "you are the perfect person for that...", to which I said thank you, and walked away. Gottman's four horseman are clearly riding here...
W has talked to a realtor and determined that September is a good month to sell. I finally just want to end this, and move on, so if we achieve (there is a bunch to do still) September, good.
I Have scheduled a prep session with a therapist to set up an emotional drainage session for W, figuring that getting her emptied of all this negativity should improve things for the better, no matter how things end. After the prep with T, I will tell W we need to talk, but not immediately, and then listen to her spew for as long as is needed. Getting the spew to continue flowing will be the trick, I think, with the knowledge and security that my EE friends give me as protection.
My R with d16, turning 17 next weekend, is still very important. I ask her every day if she would like to do something, and she and I have run together, checked out a spot for her birthday, and gone for a nice walk. She is a teenager, and in a tough spot, between two parents, so I understand and will continue to be open.
So, life continues, better than before, and the end now has a date, all for the good, finally, I think. Coming through this cleanly, having been faithful, and trying to make a good end of it, seems what I need to do, so that is the plan.
