[BrightFuture]

Yesterday was not a good day for me in terms of emotions running me down. I went to a baby shower to one of my neighbors and then to my sister’s for dinner.

The most difficult moment at the baby shower was the moment when the expecting couple was opening the gifts. The husband was sitting next to his wife and looked like he was excited about the whole thing, about the expectant baby and everything that went with it. I could not help but to feel sad for myself. I never had something like that. My son’s father was never present, I don’t even think he realized that he became a parent. He was very selfish. My current H never liked small kids specifically. So, I had nobody to share the joy of having a kid with.

I was sitting there, thinking how much I would love to start over and find me a right husband and have a loving normal family. Too late now…

Then I went to my sister’s for dinner and found the info about my BIL and H’s night out. He told me that there were three of them, my H, his brother and my BIL (sister’s H). Here are the things I found out:

H came to the city because his friends were coming for whatever business they needed to do and used an opportunity to catch a ride with them. Still kind of strange. It’s like he wanted to use this opportunity to catch up with “old friends”, if you can call my BIL and his brother that. Also, maybe wanted to see me? OK, not going there…

H talked about my son and how he is pleasantly surprised how my son turned out, how he has everything together, working full time and going to school, paying his bills, etc. (Yeah, no kidding, this is my son, takes after his Mother!)

H told my BIL about how he has changed, specifically talking about the fact that he has a smart phone now and that he is on Facebook. No kidding…

H mentioned how broke he is in terms of money, but he is hopeful that this year will be better for him (he was hopeful last year too, but it turned out to be worse than previous), and how hard it is to pay for the mortgage (condo.)

He also said something about his brother’s GF when his brother went to the bathroom. Like she is not going to last much longer, and his brother is going to boot her off. My sister’s H said that when he went to pick my H and his brother, he sensed that the GF was not quite happy about all of them going out on a Friday night especially. This GF has been around for the second year now, which is unprecedented for my BIL (H’s brother.) Well, he broke his knew cup last year and could not drive and even walk, so she was taking care of him. I guess now she started to put some restrictions and rules in the house, and BIL is not quite happy about that. Interesting part is that my H didn’t like her from the beginning (even last year when he first met her.) This is kind of strange, because she is (was) one of these easy going girls that my H would like to hang around with.

Sorry for the long post again. Just needed to get it out, so I could process all these different thoughts in my head.