Your last post is something I could have written, about the realization that he's gone, not understanding how he could choose what he did, and having to forge ahead to create a different life than what we had originally planned. The not knowing what that looks like is scary. The way you write is beautiful.
Waking up today and realizing the you can choose to make it a good day? Huge leap forward, Mighty. Huge. I smiled so big reading that.
It's not always going to feel this way. It will take some time, tho. Bea is right....4 weeks from now, you will likely feel different. You'll still have down days, but the balance will begin to shift.
I still cycle in the grief of this. I have sad nights when I just miss the old times. They become fewer and further between. Reclaiming my own sense of self-worth, and imagining what could be next.....even if it seems like a crazy idea....helps remind me how much control over my life I have.
You are an inspiration to so many here. The awareness you have of your own feelings is a gift that will serve you well. Once the weight of these first raw months (again) lifts, you will begin to move forward with far less effort.
Keep going, Mighty. And continue to be gentle with yourself.
