AJ you asked "How does all that blend together in your visualization of the future?" I get it, when you've been separated as long as I have, the reality that she is not coming back should be faced.
My vision of the future is limited, and it always has been. But right now, after yesterday's meal with my daughters, it reinforced my understanding that my W cannot handle s13 who lives with her during the week. So I am planning on having s13 stay with me for the summer. W will not fight me on this, but she'll lose some of her child support, but so be it.
I know you were trying to help me focus on what my future looks like without my W. My delusion is fading. My W is not pining for the great man she lost, or filled with regrets from her choices. She is still very much self-focused, she is NOT being a good mother right now, and I will not be with this woman. Andin any event she will not be back.
So how do I want my new life to look like? I don't have any vision for myself but instead my focus is on my children. D20 and s13 need a calm, safe place to live, and this is my first priority. D18 and in the fall d17 will be away to school.
Perhaps a new job, and finding a place to serve (at church) or volunteer are also things that are important to me. It is also important to continue to make my relationships a priority with my family, friends, and groups I am involved in.
But dang, I really miss the companionship and love of a woman in my life. I don't know what to do about this, but today I can be patient. Let's see about tomorrow though...
T^2, I still don't know what to do about the obligation thing you and AJ were trying to help me see. I am so grateful to have both of you guys trying to help me. Thank you.
