Vanilla Fudged 1+ 10

[Vanilla]

Previous posts

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&view=started&id=36177

V sitch really has not changed much since day 1 but V has changed.
V is a verbally abused wife who is bringing to reaffirm her own worth and laying her boundaries.


V

[Vanilla]

If anyone would have told me that I would have reached 10 threads I would have never believed them. Mainly because I felt my journey would have been over sooner and that I would be laid out and no longer standing.

I am still standing in an in house separation.

The house is on the market, and I have an agreed separation financial agreement with H which includes asset variation options.

I believe in GAL but H is complaining of being 'abandoned' that V is not a 'we' person and that she is too independent. I have been assessed as not codependent. H is a compulsive gambler who claims to have not gambled for 3 years. I am unsure., but this has created devastation in my life.

I love this board and the wonderful DB friends that she has made.

V

[edz]

Hi v

I know I'm on number 15 now too obviously journal a lot or waffle as its otherwise known!

I'm honestly, truly envious of your ability to gal I'm not good at it,toots has been giving me a well deserved prod with a pointy stick on my thread about it. I find it very very difficult you are inspiring.

I'm nothing like your h in any way bar one thing chiming. I was in unrecognised depression the last few years, I dont blame w but her actions contributed to my state, but I do recognise the feeling of abandonment when its not really there. I did feel that sometimes with w when at any point I could have got off my behind which was increasing in width at an alarming rate and joined her and s. Its a crippling feeling of not wanting to do whatever it is and at the same time feeling unwanted.

Now I'm not saying h is feeling that as hes doing all this, sorry, jerky stuff as well on going to the pub etc etc and I'm not getting into the horrid verbal stuff.

I'm not suggesting you suggest anything but with a dinner could you both go somewhere together, get out of the environment and somewhere he can't complain about the wrong bacon or cooking dishes or do you think in his present frame it wouldnt make a difference?

[jim0987]

Hi Vanilla,

Sorry your H isnt getting any better.

Question for you, and i mean this sincerely. Are you still standing or are you just trying to make things tolerable while you sell the house?

DB'g is about saving yourself first and i worry that despite your incredible GAL efforts, whether the in house seperation is doing you more harm. You know i had my own in house seperation difficulties but nothing like you have.

wishing you the very best

[Maybell]

Hi, V. In house separation is incredibly hard. I don't know how you do it while still showing that amazing PMA. Hats off to you, and hugs to go with. You're such a bright spot.

[SunnyB]

Hi, V. In house separation is incredibly hard. I don't know how you do it while still showing that amazing PMA. Hats off to you, and hugs to go with. You're such a bright spot.

Agree ^^^. The seven months I lived with H after BD were hard mentally, and he was perfectly pleasant. Cold, but never spewed. ((( (V)))

[rd500]

Hi Vanillia. You seem to be going through a really tough time. You have so much insightful and wonderful advice for all of us and I wish I could reciprocate. Your H seems an absolute nightmare at the moment and you can't continue this way.

please please take care of yourself hugs and kisses. Rd

[edz]

It occurs to me in my post this morning I neglected something

(((((Vanilla)))))

[Old Dog]

Yup. Nine months in, although just weekends, and it's hell.

((( Vanilla )))

[Karma12]

I can't imagine how hard it is to be living together yet seperated. There will come a time V when you will make a choice. You will know what to do when the time is right for you. Big hugs from me.